"So what..?" || Kevin Álvarez

||7|| That Night.

      Still at a distance but close. "But even if I knew it meant getting into that fight with Violeta, I would definitely still do it again.."
Fuck.
    
      I started to internally panic. My face becomes flushed. This should not be happening. He got hurt because of my selfishness to call. This could harm more people in a lot of different ways. But I didn't pull back this time.
      I say the first thing that comes to mind."That's not very smart, is it?"
My eyes trail his face to his lips. My breath catches in my throat when his mouth forms a small smile. I am not being subtle.
       "I'm not trying to be." He replies. I become aware of his hand on my face moving me closer to him. My body is hit by a light feeling. Was it anxiety? Happiness? Excitement? I am frozen. Conflicted on what to do about this.
Fuck
       Then he does it. His lips part mine gently and I let them. For a moment, I think about pushing him away, but the way his lips melt into mine I forget all my morals.  When I finally close my eyes, I return the kiss.
        It was slow at first. He moves closer to me on the bed. His body feels so warm and his hands go to my waist. His thumbs caress my sides softly.
        The kiss starts to pick up speed when his tongue brushes over my bottom lip. I let him in and he grunts softly in response. My brain is a haze. I'm not thinking right and I feel light. I wrap my hands around his neck.

Closer. I want him closer.

His hands on my waist pull me toward him. "On me." His voice is low and only slightly strained if I listen closely.
I take the hint and throw my leg around his lap. I know this is getting too far. Way past just far but I'm not worried about what's right and wrong now.
Now that I'm straddling him our breaths become heavy. I let him run his hands on my back. We part for breath but he wastes no time and immediately goes for my neck. I let out a sigh and bite my lip. An unfamiliar familiar needy feeling starts spreading in my stomach.
"Kevin-" I begin but I'm cut off by the gentle sucking on my neck that causes me to whimper. I follow my first instinct, though I have never done this before, to move my hips. My hands were now tugging at his hair. I get a groan out of him.
       "Oh- fuck- Y/n-" His hands squeeze my hips in place and he rests his head on my shoulder. His breathing is quick. "d-don't move."
        This snaps me out of it. Oh my fucking God. "Kevin- w-we should stop" My voice was slightly panicked. Yes. I did do something wrong you dumb fuck why bother asking.
        He shakes his head, moving it to the sides so I can feel his lips just hovering over my neckline. "No.." He seems calmer now and he returns to softly kissing my neck.
        His hands still have a tight grip on my hips. Firm yet gentle. It feels good. Too good. I wanted more. I wanted to ignore all my morals and just- Stop it. This is wrong.
     "Kevin, this shouldn't happen-"
        He finally lifts his head back up to look at me. His grip softens and he starts shaking his head. "No, no digas eso.." His hand finds my face again and I feel a pit in my stomach.
I'm silent. I don't know what to do. What just happened. What he's saying. My brain cant take it.
He gently takes me off his lap and places me on the bed.
I keep my gaze on him. "Kevin?"
"We should sleep... it's been a long two days for me." He sighs and rubs the bridge of his nose.
I nod. "Yeah. You're right. There's a guest room across the hall. You could use that one." I suggest. The mood in the room has changed. It might be worse that how it was when we came in.
"Okay. Get some sleep too." He walks out and closes the door behind him. I'm left alone with my thoughts.
I get in bed again, can't sleep.
Did we actually just make out..? I groan and turn on my side, pulling the covers over me. No matter how hard I tried I needed more of his touch. He was so gentle and warm. It wasn't anything like Alejandro. He's rough and cold. Stop it. I can't actually like him. The idea I had feelings for him has never crossed my mind. Maybe because it is absolutely absurd.
I turn onto my opposite side. I'm still unable to get comfortable. I'm getting married in a couple months. There's no avoiding it. And he's already married. Extra emphasis on the 'already'. We might both be unhappy in our relationships but that doesn't mean we can just disregard anything and everything else. My parents are depending on me.
        I finally sit up and huff. Fuck it. Just one night won't hurt. No one has to know. After this we won't ever talk about it. No one has to know. I repeated. We'll just keep being friends. Just coworkers.
        I get out of bed and make my way to Kevin's room. He's laying in bed. I think he's asleep. I close the door slowly and as quietly as I can. I reach his bed and sigh. "Kevin.." i whisper softly. "I can't sleep.." the room is dark but once my eyes adjusted I could see him more clearly.
        Kevin always seems to know what I need so he shifted and held his arms open for me. Without questions. "Esta bien."
        I instantly crawl onto the bed and let him wrap his arms around me. "Just for tonight?" I ask quietly. I'm afraid that if I don't put up this boundary, I'll definitely want to do it again.
        "Just tonight." He repeats and I feel his body relax.
        This is bad. I Can hear his breathing and smell his scent. We've touched more today than ever in our short months of knowing each other. I feel a lot safer in his arms than I did alone in my room. I'm not thinking straight. I should have stayed in my room. I'm only making things worse.
         My back is against his chest and his arms around my waist. I try to keep control of my breathing as best as I can when he nuzzles his head into the crook of my neck
Just for tonight. I quickly fall asleep in his arms.
...
         I open my eyes and for a moment im confused as to why im in the guest room. The memories from last night rush back into my mind. I can feel heat rising to my cheeks when I immediately sit up. He's not next to me anymore and it's the next morning. I get up quickly and practically run downstairs to look for him. I feel the need to make sure he's still close.
         The closer I got to the kitchen, the stronger the smell of chilaquiles became. I finally reach the kitchen and let out a sigh when I see him. A wave of relief washes over me. He didn't leave. Not that he could, really. I tried to shut down the happy feeling in my chest.
         He must have heard my steps because he turns back and gives me a weak smile. "Hey"
         I return it. "Hey." I walk towards him and see he's making chilaquiles. My stomach feels like it's about to growl. "I love chilaquiles" My smile grows.
        "Okay good, I was worried you wouldn't like them." He turns off the heat. I think quick and grab two plates for us. He serves us while I fill up glasses of orange juice for us. We are quiet and both of us hesitate before talking. Yesterday definitely had a lot to do with it.
         We sit across from each other at the table and eat in silence. We are half way into our meals when he finally is the first to speak up. "Do you want it that way?"
         I raise an eyebrow. "Want what?"
         "For it to just be a 'last night' thing." He takes a sip from his orange juice.
         I feel as if all the blood from my face is draining. I don't think before answering and blurt out the most reasonable answer. "Yeah- I meant it." When the words left my mouth I expected the pit in my stomach to go away. But it didn't. It got worse.
          "Okay." Kevin looks down at his plate and presses his lips in a thin line.
          We spent the morning in more silence. We were never this quiet together. I wished I hadn't kissed him. Everything would be back to normal and I would have my friend back. He decided to call one of his friends to pick him. He used my phone because he still didn't have his. I offered to drive him to his car but he denied. Using the excuse "you've done enough for me" . But honestly, it was probably to avoid being alone with me any longer.
         I get notified there's a car outside the gates of my house. I walk him to the door but he stops me before I can step out as well.
         "Hey- stay inside. It's too cold. Diego probably shouldn't see who's house I stay at, right?"
          He has a point. "Oh, right." I cross my arms over my chest. I have the chills.
         "And- Don't worry, after today I promise I'll act normal.. like nothing happened." Something  about his smile didn't seem right.
         He took a step closer and I looked into his eyes. I'll blame it on the cold, but I felt too frozen to move away. He kissed me again. It was short was enough to make my heart ache.
          Kevin chuckled. "Sorry. I was afraid I'd never get the chance to do that again."
          I'm about to speak up but he's already walking away. I'm too scared to ask him to come back. I go back in and shut the door behind me. I give it a strong push. It shouldn't affect me this much to set a very obvious boundary.
          I lock myself in my room and pull out my phone. I have missed texts from my dad asking why I'm not at work today. I ignore him.
  I didn't like that. I plop on my bed face down. I definitely didn't like that. Not one bit. I didn't like pushing him away but I also couldn't let myself fall deeper. I need to keep it together.
...
Where is she? . It was a busy Sunday and the cafe was full. I finally locate her. She finds me at the same time and waves me over excitedly.
         "Y/n!" She calls out.
         "Oh my god, Riya!" I squeeze through packed tables before finally reaching her.
         Riya has been my best friend since we were in elementary school. She's the lucky one that was allowed to move abroad for university. I haven't seen her in months.
She stands up and hugs me. She is extremely short and a bit rounder. She has long curly hair and the cutest round hazel eyes. "Y/n!! It feels like it's been so long!"
I laugh while we part. "You act like we don't text and regularly. Its only been 6 months" I take a seat across from her.
"Yeah well it still feels like so long when so much has happened." She picks up the small menu.
"Yeah.. it has" I look down.
She raises an eyebrow. "Girl- what up with you? Aren't you so happy to see me??" She adds a bit of sarcasm to her voice.
I try to snap out of it and shake my head. "What? No. Im so glad you're back-"
"Y/n. I've known you since we were five. I Can tell when something's bothering you." She leans on the table with her chin in the palm of her hand.
I bite my lip. I don't want to make this all about me. It's her month back.
"Is it about Alejandro.? I told you I could get you a hitman if you want cuz-"
"No!" I knit my eyebrows together. "Not entirely..."
"Mmm. Tell me the entirety then."
I fidget with a napkin on the table. "Uhm.. well I have a job now." I hear her gasp.
"Oh my god?? I thought Alejandro would never let you get one." Riya's face lit up.
"He didn't. But he had to because my dad demanded it." I explain.
"Ohhh.. so what's your job?"
When the waitress comes to take our orders and Riya politely denies, I know she's about to grill every bit of information out of me.
"I'm an assistant- well I think we're more like partners. Its kinda weird cause I met him at a party.."
"You at a party?" She holds back a laugh.
I roll my eyes and laugh too. "Didn't have much of a choice."
"Do you like the job? Is the guy you work with nice?" Her voice was urgent as she took off her one AirPod. I'm in trouble. "Tell me the details!!"
"Yeah he's.. nice. Better than most people."I felt warm talking about him. My cheeks especially. "He took me to the winter festival I've always wanted to go to!"
Riya's jaw dropped. "God damn! Girl does Alejandro know about this?"
This time I'm the one laughing harder. "He doesn't have a clue."
"A-and how did it go?" She looks like she doesn't believe me but wants to really bad.
My smile faded as I remembered what it led to. "Well.. it was super fun. He payed for everything but- someone interrupted-"
Riya's smile faltered. "Alejandro?"
I shook my head and look down. The anxiety I've been avoiding all week came back to me in a rush. Stronger than it had the last day I kissed him. "No."
She looked confused now. "Who???" She was getting desperate.
I took in a deep breath and bit the inside of my cheek. "...his wife"
Riya audibly gasped and her hand flew to her mouth. "Y/n!" Her posture has never been straighter.
"Shhh. You're so loud." I hushed her.
She shook her head urgently. "Nuh uh! Come on we are taking this to my car!" She didn't sound mad. Just incredibly incredulous. Grabbing her bag she got up to walk out. I followed
Once in her car she turned to face me. "I need to hear the rest."
So I did. I told her about the fight that Kevin had with his wife. How he got injured and I found him bloody in the office. I told her about the kiss and how I told him it was just a one time thing. Her face contorted in shocked expressions each time. I finished by telling her about the 'last' kiss he gave me on my doorstep.
"Okay. Oh my fucking god." She leans back in her seat. "This is insane- I need to process that."
I bite the inside of my cheek before I start talking again. "The worst part is.. I think... I might in love with him-" It felt weird saying it out loud. I had come to that conclusion after a whole week of me and Kevin's new work-only dynamic. It hurt to be nothing but coworkers . I hated his lack of teasing or lingering touches. And I despised the fact he was technically married.
"YA THINK??" She practically yells. I snap my head up to look at her when she starts laughing. "You are so fucked"
I groan. "But I can't just- I can't be with him! That's why I choked up the dumb idea to make it a one time thing."
Riya is more serious now and clears her throat. "That's going to hurt. It's either you two hurt or everyone else does." She sighs. "That man is clearly in love with you too. Why do you think he got that last kiss in?"
My breath catches in my throat. Him love me? I never thought about how he might be feeling. I feel overwhelmed with guilt. I've been so caught up with how this is affecting me.
"And how have things been at work since that day, hm?" She crosses her hands again.
I sigh and bring my knees up to my chest. "He's- he's been noticeably more distant- there is no more teasing or-" I stop myself from saying any more. It hurts too much. I feel my eyes sting.
Riya reaches out and grabs my hand. She's more tender now. The gravity of the situation finally settling on her.
I choke back tears. "He- he looks sad. And tired- it hurts seeing him like that-"
"Y/n!" She squeezes my hand. "You can't get married."
That is not what I was expecting her to say. I Shake my head. "What??"
"You and Kevin are both obviously hurting right now, and it's because of each other. I know that your parents are depending on you but- they've already lived their life. Why are you letting them tell you how to live yours." She like a mother when she talks like this.

"But he's married."
"So what..?"

My eyes widen. "Huh" I murmur in disbelief.
"You've lived your whole life pleasing everyone. You've never had a choice in anything. It's about time you take your fucking control back." Her voice is more stern. She reaches to wipe my tears.
"This would be different if he loved her and Alejandro loved you. But they obviously don't. If you don't change now. You'll be a walking mat all your life!"
My heart dropped. The thought of living the life I have right now terrifies me. The moment I get married to that shame of a man. I'll be signing my freedom away.
I take in a deep breath and look at Riya. After a long time in silence I finally respond."You're right."
Riya nods in approval.
I'm starting to feel more angry than helpless. I'm absolutely furious.

——

ALR IM LOWKEY GETTING A BETTER IDEA ON HOW THIS IS FINNA GOOO
have some pasta🍝
I still have no idea how long this story finna b tho.

Anyways, I luv ya, stay hydrated, Mwuah💋💋