Think YAHLAND: Alt 80s?

Entry 4: Its About The Music, Man.

Desmonds POV

Its hard being a man.

When I became like man, a young man, to be exact, I was constantly battling hormones and feelings, and thoughts...the whole 12 yards...!

It was terrible! Like everything and nothing happening all at once!!!

And because I'm so in tuned with my spirit, (well of course, I came from heaven before all.)

I could literally hear body parts talking. Talking to me like they would to God...and the loudest? My genitalia as you can imagine.

I have a penis now. A working penis.

Before I just had nothing between my legs. I was  genderless. As are most us Angels. Our father is a spirit that mostly identifies with the masculine, so most of us Angels, we try to look masculine-like him. It is our worship to him, for we love and admire our father and King so much. This is why most angels are depicted as coming in the form of what looks like a man.

I was no different. And just like my Father, I fell in love with femininity. Or in my case the sole pillar of femininity, its holder; The Woman.

A specific woman to be exact.

And by herself she is a miracle. Beautiful and marvelous. God took his time.

Honestly can I say? Its a shame women even feel the need to magnetize themselves when naturally, on their own, they catch the eye of many a masculine creature.

All the same, my Ratna had no need for jewels or "makeup" or hair weaving. Though she was goregeous either way, so who could complain? Still, just her was enough for me to beg for my own humanity!

"What is it to be a man?" I screamed. "And then...a Man for her...what is it?"
I had to know and no one, not even my Father in heaven was gonna stop me!
So yeah, I've made some mistakes because of her beauty I would say, but it was really me and my poor impulse control. She was just a girl who didn't even know me...

...yet.

I watched her. Watched her like mad. Like she was my favorite TV show. An angel possessed I was. I would literally start to change colors right at the sight of her! "I'm her guardian Angel" I told myself.

Yes of course you were. I have to roll my eyes, thinking about it now. I think it's very human to be doing something normal and then you get flasbacks and reminders of something stupid and embarassing you did.

This happens to me several times a day, thinking about my "guardian angel" phase.

Like the moment I became a "bad boy" (more like dumb stupid boy) I had my own shaft, fully working and complete with two round hanging apartment complexes filled with people waiting to become human or human half breeds, or whatever.

And though my heart was always talking, as I said, my genitalia was always the loudest. I thank God for my upbringing. I can't imagine what's its like for those men who have an unhealthy mind, heart, or spirit and they also have their penis. It could be dangerous! The combination is scary.

Even so, the loud one prevailed. I wanted, NEEDED a taste. Tragedy struck when I realized I couldn't get Ratna pregnant anyway because the apartments were so comfortable and luxurious, the sperms did not want to leave- this they told me themselves. Also some of them said they fear God, remembering how God was initially against me doing this in the first place. I understood, but that's also why I thought it not wrong to marry her and consummate. But eventually I repented. She wanted children, and I could not give them to her, we had to let go. I came back to my Father in the end, wings between my legs,  and it took a long time to get back into his good graces.