Burn ▹ Ashton Irwin

forty three

Ashton's POV

I stayed awake for hours that night, just waiting for Skylar to finally fall asleep. I knew she needed the sleep, more than I ever will, because she's been losing so much of it lately. I've gotten past the phase where I'm effected by losing precious hours of sleep. I can go days without a single nap, really. I don't feel the need for it anymore. And besides, when I do sleep, it's filled with nothing but terrible images and nightmares that I tend to keep to myself.

I turned onto my side and looked at the alarm clock on the bedside table. 12:30 flashed in bright red numbers, letting me know I've been laying here in silence for 3 hours. I then looked over my shoulder at Skylar, who was laying there beside me with her eyes closed and her arms tucked under her pillow.

I shifted onto my back and laid there for a while, staring at the dark ceiling. By this time in the night, my mind is always so blank. There wasn't a trace of thought in me; I usually don't like thinking too hard about things at this hour.

I looked over to Skylar again. Fortunately, she was still out like a light, looking just as perfect as ever. She really is stunning when she sleeps; so innocent, so fragile and rather easy to scare away. She possesses such a clean perspective on the rest of the world, and I admire it. Skylar is a blank, white wall that one could easily scribble all over and ruin the beauty of her simplicity. She looks at everything as if it has a good side to it. That even in it's darkest times, it can still have a good heart. I just hope I won't one day be the sucker who picks up the pen.

It was around 12:45 AM by the time I finally sat up, rubbing my fists over my groggy eyes. I didn't bother turning on any of the lights because I didn't want to risk waking her.

I prepared myself to get up and get ready to go. I stared down at my hands, took a deep breath, and then slid out of bed.

Picking around the dark motel room, I found the first t-shirt and pair of jeans I could find. I slumped down on the edge of the other bed and quickly changed, throwing the shirt over my shoulders and tugging the skinny jeans up my legs. I dug through my backpack and grabbed my lucky hat, the one I haven't been wearing as much as I used to, as much as I usually like to.

I heard the bed shift around on it's springs behind me. I stopped dead in my tracks and slowly peeked over my shoulder to check on Skylar. Luckily she was still fast asleep, just moving around to get more comfortable. She settled back down on her stomach and buried her face into the pillow, letting out a quiet sigh as she did so.

I exhaled the breath I was holding in and continued to tiptoe across the room. Already, I was starting to feel dead inside. And it wasn't even 1:00 AM.

I got down on my knees in front of Skylar's backpack now, looking around the room to make sure no one was around to watch me. I slowly unzipped it and rummaged through it, until my hand was all the way at the bottom.

I heard her tossle and turn on the bed again, causing me to freeze with my fingers wrapped halfway around the envelope. I peeked over the edge of the mattress and watched her until she was settled down and still again. I've always known that Skylar moves around a lot when she sleeps, so I wasn't too concerned.

I also grabbed her (expired) credit card that she hasn't bothered to throw away yet. It comes in handy for where I'm going.

Finally, as quietly as I could, I slid the envelope all the way out of the bag. I took 500 dollars out and stuffed it all into my back pocket without another thought.

I stood up and looked at Skylar one last time. I always hate looking at her like that, all alone in the bed, because I would give anything to get back in there and cuddle with her for the rest of the night. But unfortunately I can't.