Burn ▹ Ashton Irwin

thirty three

My eyes opened slowly in the middle of that night, around 3:00 AM. At first I thought it was morning, and it was time to get up, but that was until I realized the bedroom was completely dark and the red digital numbers on the alarm clock told me otherwise. I blinked a few times and flipped onto my back, glancing around the room in confusion as to why I was waking up so randomly. Usually I sleep soundly through the night, why not right now?

Ashton and I got back from our little date around 8:00 last night. When we got back to Luke's apartment, all we did was explain to them why we were both drenched in sea water, take our showers, get ready for bed and then fall asleep next to each other. Everything was fine and dandy with Ashton the whole day, but all of his cute and cheery mood came to an end at this time.

When I was fully alert and able to hear clearly, I discovered that it was something specifically that had woken me up so randomly. I heard the faint sounds of sniffles, mumbling words, and little wimpers coming from the other side of the bed. My eyes shot open and I sat up in alarm when I instantly recognized it to be Ashton.

"Ash," I whispered, searching through the dark to see him. But everything was closed (the window, the door), so it took some time for my eyes to adjust. When they finally did, I looked to see Ashton's head hung low and his face burried into his hands come into view.

"Ashton?" I spoke up.

"I - I didn't...I -" he stuttered under his breath, not looking up to meet my gaze. "I didn't m-mean to do it-"

I slid out of the covers and moved to the middle of the bed so I was sitting across from him and I could see him better. Ashton mumbled a few more words I couldn't understand and he shook his head, keeping his face out of sight and in his palms. He was trembling; in his shoulders, his hands shook when he pushed his hair back, but it wasn't at all cold in the room.

"Ashton. Hey," I said a little louder, laying my hand on his shoulder. Ashton flinched and drew back, letting out a few muffled cries into his hands.

"I didn't mean to- to do..I didn't mean to do it-" he said again. What does that mean? Why is he repeating himself? I wondered amongst my panic.

He finally took his shaking hands away from his face and looked up at the ceiling, his eyes swarmed with tears and his mouth formed in a crooked frown. "I - I - I...I didn't-"

"Ashton what's wrong?" I asked, trying to get him to look at me. "Talk to me."

"I didn't mean to do it!" he screamed. "But- but I did-"

"Ashton!" I raised my voice as well. I literally woke up 2 minutes ago and this was all very confusing to me at the moment. What had happened in the last few hours that turned him into this? "What happened?"

Ashton sniffled once more and tangled his fingers in his hair, burrying his head in his knees. "I killed my dad," he cried. "I-I k-killed him."

I pulled away and looked at him worridly. This topic hasn't been brought up in months, I almost completely forgot about it. "Ashton..."

"I b-burned him to death," he kept going, still as if I wasn't even there. "I burned everything down-"

He was interupted by another fit of cries. They started off quiet, but they gradually became louder until he was full on sobbing. I stared down at his hands that wouldn't stop shaking; his skin seemed paler than usual and when he stared off into the abyss his eyes didn't look normal to me. Panic was quickly building up inside of me and I knew I couldn't just sit here and be confused. If I didn't know what to do (which I don't, because none of what he's doing is making sense to me right now), I need to find someone that probably does.