Burn ▹ Ashton Irwin

twenty seven

A whole week went by and I found myself really growing to love Miami. It actually was a really pretty place, even though I still haven't been able to go to the beach because Ashton never wants to and Michael is afraid of getting a sunburn. I think what made me like it so much was because we've been here for so long. I think it's been about a week and half, and for us that's a pretty long time. Every night I've been sleeping besides Ashton, and now it's gotten to the point where the sheets smell like him and I wake up with him practically ontop of me every morning.

Ever since he had that nightmare last week - where there was the fire and I had to pour water on him just to snap him out of it - I can tell that he's been sleeping even closer to me than before. Which is totally fine with me; I don't mind. Sometimes I get scared that a bad person is going to come in and hurt us all because Ashton has so many enemies, so maybe we just comfort each other at the same time.

Every day I was with them, especially Ashton. Michael and Calum joined us on every mission we went on, and in the past week we've made another 500 dollars. Ashton says he wishes business could be faster, but there are lots of people in this area he has to dodge. Still, I don't know why, but maybe I can ask him why everyone hates him one day.

Sometimes Ashton and I would go on walks really late at night and go as far as the upper east side. I would always beg Ashton to go in the ocean with me but he would always reply with "only if we're naked". We've hung out a lot in the past week, and I don't know whether it was because I always asked to or if he always asked to. I could sense that there were definitely more feelings developing between us, but I'm starting to give up on expecting Ashton to just be my boyfriend. He can't be my boyfriend, even though I really want him to. He made his point clear, and unfortunately his point is the thing that's been internally bothering me the most.

Still, every day this week, I've thought about what Ashton told me about Derek. I find it ridiculous how he is willing to kill Ashton over this dilema, but then again maybe I don't know the whole situation. I just kept picturing Derek shooting Ashton's brains out just because we couldn't do whatever we were told to do fast enough.

I imagined it like this: every person in Derek's "group" and everyone from the rest of the country who's been screwed over by Ashton will come and meet up in that old parking garage back in New York. They would make a circle; Ashton would be in the middle, everyone would surround him, they would tie me back to the chair and make me sit right infront of him. Ashton would be chained down to the ground again on his knees, his eyes forced to be locked with mine. Derek would come up behind him and tell him that he's a failure, a murderer, an arsonist, he's crazy. He would get out every insult he could, feeding it to Ashton like he was shoving it all down his throat. Then he would look to me, told me I was falling for the wrong person, and take his gun out. Derek would load it, cock it, and press it against Ashton's head. Everyone would cheer and clap, they would be so excited to finally watch this happen. Then Ashton would give me a look that said "I'm sorry", and Derek would pull the trigger. And then that would be the end of it.

We can't let that happen. I can't let that happen. I don't want to witness that, I don't want to know that it happened, I don't want us to get even close to letting Derek do that. The last thing I want is for Ashton to be gone, just like that. Not even for my sake; I believe he deserves to live an actual life, not get killed for some illegal shit.

Those thoughts only stick the back of my mind. They aren't that bad, but sometimes I just can't but help picturing it. But still, I have more happy thoughts about Ashton than sad ones.

And now, it was a Thursday night in mid may, and I was getting ready to help Ashton out with something. I was leaned up against the doorframe to the bathroom as I watched Ashton get ready by putting on a coat and his signature fedora ontop his head. By the looks of what he was wearing I assumed this was going to be some sort of drug deal. After all, Ashton never makes a deal without that hat, right?