"It hurts letting you go because i had loved you more than ever."
Eimiko brainrot: the last letter ei sends to miko
To the shrine maiden,
I hope this letter finds you, Miko.
You were the worst subject, the worst cunning fox and the worst woman I have loved.
A bad lover, you were. You made me starve and died of thirst for you. It was absurd how you loved me with all your might and abandoned me as if I was a mere speck of dust. I despise, no, loathe you. Damn you, Miko. You left me all alone in this world, yet again.
You insolent bastard of a woman. You left me to pieces. I was nothing but a breathing shell. Your love was as bad as any potent drug. I longed for you like an addict. Craved for your touch like it was nicotine. But love was unlike other addictions, it was both the cure and the poison. It consumed my soul and my heart. My mind was going crazy just hearing your name. It was scary. You made me crave for more and yet I was stupidly in fear of losing you every second. However, Miko, the tighter I held onto you, the more relief I felt. Confusing, is it not? I do not understand myself either.
We stand apart, not because we want to, but because fate has put a stop between us. The reality where one of us exists and the other does not is astounding to me. Miko, you have left me bewildered, yet again. I am truly furious at you. How dare a mere kitsune abandon her one and only goddess? This is not only a breach of duty but also a betrayal of a bond we shared. Not a single ash of your existence was left behind. The earrings I had gifted you, gone with your scent and warmth.
Is this your idea of a joke? Because if so, you have succeeded. This archon herself is begging on her knees everyday, wishing for you to be back. You have owed me so much. An explanation, an apology, anything, just anything, to ease this raging thunderstorm you have left behind. You have sworn with your heart that you would stay by my side through eternity. Even so, you disappeared like a speck of dust.
My heart crumbled apart and I had lost my mind. I had destroyed so much that I resent myself for it. The weight of my actions still lingers, a constant reminder of what i have damaged, and it was none other than that the perfect world we have built together. In Inazuma, we were so perfect together, my kitsune, an ethereal world where we co-exist and live together as lovers. It's a bitter irony, really, I was slipping everything through my fingers like grasping onto water, watching myself drowning in it. This gnawing guilt keeps pounding into my heart, like a sharp sting of pain that seems to stay until eternity.
I was afraid, petrified even, of you leaving me. You listened to none of my wish, and yet, all of my fears. Did you know how saddened I was when I found out? I wanted us to be together, just for one day. It was wrong of me to be joyous. I shouldn't have been happy if I had known it would be the last time your electric eyes looked into mine. I blamed myself. No, it was entirely my fault. My existence shouldn't have interfered with yours had I known it would be like this.
Though we were born from the same energy, we repel each other like two similar poles of a magnet. The spark we needed to be together was gone. What was once electric and alive now felt like a lifeless void, seeking for electricity. I yearned for your warmth everyday, I wished for your touch, and yet, you never respond. The absence of you was an aching emptiness that I had to bear. It wasn't the first time I lost someone dear to me but this time, it felt like myself was gone too.
I am a fool who dares not to even visit your grave. Too much of a fool. I would just start crying like an immature child, weeping as if my tears would bring you back. I'm terrified that standing there would mean accepting that you are truly gone, and I would never be ready to accept the reality. The world where your absence is final will be the crumbling world, a fragile place where nothing exists anymore. Every corner echoes with the memories of you, so how am I supposed to live with myself? A world without you is one where things are collapsing faster than ever; piece by piece, I would also start to lose myself.
Miko, until we meet again in another life, may you know your heart like I do, and we again shall bound together as two stars for eternity.
With whatever remains of me,
Raiden Ei
okay i have attachment issues to eimiko and could not find other characters to write about.
