Nabucco

Chapter 33: One last chance

Daniel was in the state room with Nabu-bel-uzur when there was a sound at the door. The door opened with the doorsman still mid-sentence, protesting the intrusion.

Kassaya was in the doorway.

"I need to speak with Belteshazzar" she said, putting aside her usual discretion.

Nabu-bel-uzur nodded and Daniel, flummoxed, got up and left.

In the corridor, she pulled him aside.

She looked directly at him and said "My father is returning".

Daniel blanched.

"What? When?"

"Today. In a few hours."

"How did you know?"

"My mother came and told me just now" she said.

Daniel looked back towards the state room. Nabu-bel-uzur must have known also but had not said anything.

"He is well now?"

"My mother said that his unwellness was never of his body, it was his mind, and that she and Nabu-bel-uzur kept this from everyone to protect the King's reputation.

"He is of sound mind now."

"This is going to be our only chance Belteshazzar," she said, tears beginning to run down her cheeks.

"He can allow me to marry. I can ask his permission to marry you."

Daniel was lost for words, anguished. He'd known this moment would have to come. It was an awful decision. He didn't want to speak the words that would firmly set him down one path or another.

"Come on now" she said, beating him in the chest "why are you hesitating?"

"Why are you rushing?" he asked, grasping for a means to delay.

"Because I want to marry you, and if I don't ask now, Neriglissar will arrive and will want to marry me as soon as he returns from Tyre. In the eyes of the court and of the city, Neriglissar is the better qualified suitor. Once he has asked, my father will find it hard to say no. It's now or never."

"What makes you so sure he'll say yes?"

"My father likes you, Belteshazzar, he can see that you are an honourable man. He also will want me to be with the man I prefer."

Daniel half turned away from her.

"But only if I convert" he whispered.

He already knew in his heart what he had to say, but took a moment to weigh it up before replying.

A life with Kassaya, here, as a member of the Royal Family. He'd be happy and comfortable for the rest of his life. It would be a huge coup for the Babylonians for the most famous Judean to renounce his faith and convert, and it would hasten the extinction of Yahwism in Tel Abib, the last place on earth where it was practiced. He was signing a death warrant for the Judean God and possibly for Judean identity entirely, as the cult of Marduk and Babylonian culture would steadily absorb them.

The alternative: He stays true to the beliefs of his people. He denies his own personal advancement for the good of the community. He misses out. Instead, he has to go back to his previous run-ins with Nebuchadnezzar, now with the added sourness of having chosen his beliefs over Nebuchadnezzar's daughter. He was very possibly choosing his own eventual death for insubordination. Then there is Kassaya. She misses out; she has to marry and live with the boorish Neriglissar. For Kassaya, being turned down by Daniel means being consigned to life with a man who just seeks his own advancement.

Who just seeks his own advancement.

Isn't that what he, Daniel, would be choosing by marrying Kassaya?

He turned back to her. What a tragic life she has, he thought: she can only ever marry someone for whom personal advancement is part of the deal. Maybe that's what she saw in me, because I wasn't seeking it. But now, it's become the reason that makes me hesitate.

He knew what he had to say. His hand went to the phylactery around his neck, remembering the day that Ezekiel gave it to him, and the vision of the grandeur of Yahweh's realm that was told to him. He wished he could have been spared the making of this choice. Ezekiel's words from that day echoed in his mind:

"You don't get to choose whether you are going to be one of those people, it simply falls to you. And when it does, it costs you more than you could imagine."

"I can't marry you Kassaya" Daniel said, tears welling up in his own eyes.

"I cannot renounce the faith of my people."

She sobbed.

"That's it then? Nothing will change your mind?" she asked, distraught but composed.

The desire to put off this decision until later, to ask for more time to think about it, to let the possibility live on just a little bit longer, washed over Daniel again. But then he remembered Nebuchadnezzar would arrive in just a few hours. It was pointless.

"I'm so sorry Kassaya, I can't."

She sighed quietly.

"Did you know all along?"

"I just hoped that something might change."

"Something?"

"I suppose it's not likely that anything would have changed. I just hoped that it would. I should have said so earlier."

She sighed again, looked up at him through teary eyes, squeezed his hands one more time, and turned and left.

Daniel remained standing in the corridor, weeping silently, long after she had gone from sight.