Easier to Lie

Chapter Six

Three years ago, I was beginning sophomore year of high school. Freshman year had been the worst. Leah and I had no classes together and our lockers were on opposite sides of the school. I barely saw her and when I did see her in the hallways, she had a handful of people around her. During lunch we would catch up and sit together. That didn't stop anyone from approaching her and interrupting us. That's when I first started to feel invisible.

I felt us growing apart, no matter how tightly I held on. Leah was part of the popular group and I had to accept that I didn't belong in that world.

Sleepovers at my house went from three nights a week to once. Saturday shopping trips were replaced by the jocks' parties where I was the designated driver. I sat on the couch wondering if anyone knew what T-Pain was singing about. Leah would get sleepy drunk and I'd take care of her, carry her to the car by myself and listen to her sing (horribly) along with the Backstreet Boys album all the way to her house. After a couple of months like that, I stopped going to the parties. No one wanted me there anyways. I started spending Saturday nights online playing games and chatting with people.

One night while I was watching reruns of Will and Grace and pretending Jack McFarland was my spirit animal, my phone rang. It was past midnight, so I had a feeling it was Leah needing a ride—or an alibi. "Hey, Leah, what's up?"

There were two other voices on the line, but they were muffled, like the phone was in her purse or a pocket. "Why are you friends with her? She's so weird."

"Seriously, you'd think she would wear some makeup to cover those ugly freckles."

I listened for a whole ten minutes. I didn't know these girls, but they were calling me fat, stupid, ugly, among other things. I was about to hang up the phone when Leah spoke. "Reggie?" She must have stepped outside because the background noise suddenly went silent. "Reg, are you there?"

"Yeah," my voice went flat, and the tears began to fall. "I'm here. I heard everything."

"I'm sorry. Katie stole my phone."

"Where are you?"

"I was out back with Brandi and Will. They wanted to smoke. I was stupid and left my phone inside. Are you okay?"

"No. No, I'm not. Your friends think I sound like a possessed baby doll. Did you hear anything they said?"

"I heard Shell say that you dyed your hair, that auburn wasn't natural. I'll deal with them when I go back inside. I'm really sorry."

I don't know if she said anything to those girls—at that moment, I didn't care. Those girls were picking me apart. Laughing at my biggest insecurities. They were inside my head and I heard what they said over and over and over again. I didn't sleep at all that night.

Leah came over the next day. I tried my best to keep her away. I locked my bedroom door, but she got in with a bobby pin. She had learned that trick after several nights of locking herself out of her house. Her parents still hadn't made her a copy of the house key. She was always staying out late and crashing with me if they had already gone to bed. I was curious as to how much time she spent in her own home.

"They're just jealous. Ignore them," she told me.

They were jealous? Of what? Shelly and Ashleigh were a size 2, I wore a size 10. They ate healthy, worked out, dated lots of boys. I should have been jealous of them, but I wasn't. Why would anyone be jealous of me? I was wearing a size D bra by ninth grade, my stomach wasn't even close to being flat, and I didn't have the thigh gap that the boys were crazy about. I wasn't skinny, no females in my family were skinny. I had my insecure moments, especially at school, but I was happy with my looks.