Easier to Lie

Chapter Thirty

Eric and I had two days together before he was shipped out. I found a job, thanks to Kardai, working at the front desk of the hotel. She made friends much easier than I did, and one of her friends' parents owned the hotel. With one phone call, I had the job. I switched to online classes so that I would have more time to work on the house.

Kardai brought Tommy over to help with the painting and moving heavy furniture. I was thankful for the help because Dad was on the road again. We talked every day, which is more than I can say for my mother and me. I heard from her, maybe once, sometimes twice a week. The calls never lasted more than ten minutes, though.

Leah and Adam returned to Myrtle Beach the day after my wedding reception. She didn't look my way, didn't say goodbye. She just left. Kardai and Betty shared the title of my best friend. They couldn't replace Leah, but I had to accept that chapter in my life was over.

I removed all the photographs of us and packed them away in a box along with the notes she wrote me in between classes. I didn't want to throw them away because that would be like completely erasing our friendship, as if it never happened. I didn't want that. I wanted to remember our good times. My future child would hear about this friendship and strive to make one exactly like it.

Leah would always mean a lot to me, and I wanted her to know that. I was certain that she did know it, but I needed her to hear me say it.

I called her, and she sent it straight to voicemail. No surprise there.

"Leah, hey, it's me. I wanted to tell you that I'm sorry. For everything. For whatever I did or said that made you turn your back on me. You were my best friend and I love you. I'll miss you. I'm always here for you. Adam, too. Call me whenever you need me, I'm here. Okay? Okay."

Back inside, Tommy was moving the couch while Kardai hooked up the television. They playfully argued back and forth all morning; she knew more about electronics than he did and he wouldn't admit that she was right.

"You two are going to get married one day," I told them.

In unison they said, "probably," then kissed. I remember thinking that they were almost as cute as Eric and me. Almost, but not quite.

I kept checking my phone, hoping to hear something from someone. My phone never made a sound. I scrolled down to Eric's name and smiled. I couldn't call him, but I wanted to. While he was away I called for the sole purpose of hearing his voice, even if it was his voicemail.

Having finished the living room, we moved to the master bedroom. It took all three of us to put the king-size bed together. Me and tools do not get along at all. Never have. So, the process took much longer than it should have. The bottle of Red Berry Vodka that Kardai brought didn't help us work any faster. Overall, it was a good day. I can't remember the last time I laughed that much. I was happy with my new best friend. My new life.

By the time we finished the bedroom, and the vodka, the three of us climbed into that bed and passed out. Eric was home for me, but Kardai became my home away from home.

I woke up somewhere around four the next morning. I can't explain what caused me to do this, but I found myself in the nursery. I cleaned the crib and the small dresser, made a mental note to buy paint. My womb began to ache at the absence of a baby. I had never wanted to be a mom, but something about this house had changed my mind.

"I absolutely cannot wait to have kids," Kardai chimed as she flipped the pancakes, "Like, no time soon, but I have always wanted to be a mom."

"Have you talked to Tommy about it?"

"Yeah. Kind of. He wants kids, too, but he says none before he's thirty. I respect that. I mean, I want to be settled into a career and have a house, all that stuff first, but I also don't want to wait too long, to be too old to enjoy the babies. Know what I mean?"

We had girl talk over breakfast while Tommy slept all morning. Listening to Kardai and watching how big and excited her eyes were while talking about her family, made me forget all about my problems. I wanted to be happy the way that she was happy.

Every day for the next four months was the same. School, work, Kardai, decorating the house. She helped me every day and I gave her one of the bedrooms.

"Imagine the parties you could have here," she said when we were painting her room. "I wouldn't have to go back to the dorm. Tommy and I could crash here," she tolled a line of pink paint on the wall, "pink everywhere, just like my home in Texas."

"I never pegged you as the princess type."

"Honey, I can shoot a gun while wearing a ball gown. Actually, I did that on prom night."

She was hilarious. When Kardai spoke about her life in Texas, the accent returned.

"Are you going home for the holidays?" I asked. College closed the week before Christmas and suddenly I realized how alone I was.

"Yeah, we're leaving tomorrow."

"We? Sounds serious."

"Yes, we. Everything has been so great with me and Tommy. I think it's time he meets my parents," her confidence was shaken. "Too soon?"

I shook my head. With a mouthful of Cookie Crisp I couldn't answer right away. "You're in love, aren't you?"

She blushed. "Is that what this happy, bubbly, cotton-candy-at-the-carnival feeling is? I do love him. He's all I think about. I feel like the luckiest person alive just to breathe the same air as him."

"But?"

Her smile dropped, and her eyes lost that longing glow. "But... he's keeping something from me. I can't tell him that I love him if I don't know everything about him."

Everybody had their secrets. I had mine. There were some things that nobody needed to know. I didn't want to hurt Kardai, but what if Tommy's secret would destroy her? Wasn't it our job to protect her? I'm sure that's what Tommy was doing. He couldn't hurt a fly.

"Does he know everything about you?" I countered.

"Almost everything," she breathed.

"There ya go. Maybe knowing everything about a person isn't a good thing."

She shrugged and bit into the red apple I handed her. "Maybe. So, it's not too soon to say that four letter word?"

I laughed. "Eric and I were together for barely two weeks when we said it."

She questioned how I knew that I loved him so soon. There had never been an easier question to answer. "Being with him just felt... right."

"Don't hate me for asking this, but you thought you loved Frankie, too. How did you know that you didn't?" And there was the toughest question to answer.

To buy some time I I hadn't thought about Frankie in months. I didn't know if he was still in jail or where he would be if he was free. I knew nothing.

"I cared for the boy that saved my life. The one that made me feel special. When he told me he didn't remember talking me out of suicide, those feelings disappeared. I knew it wasn't Frankie that I loved, it was the boy I wanted him to be," another spoonful of cereal, then, "I wanted a boyfriend so bad that I blocked out the bad things about him. I refused to believe the truth. When Eric told me how he felt, I knew he was everything I wanted."

"No regrets?" Kardai questioned.

"No regrets at all. The way I feel about Eric is better than I could ever imagine love to feel like. Love is one of those things you just know when you have it.