Easier to Lie

Chapter Thirty-One

For the first time in my life, I spent Christmas alone. Eric was in Hawaii. My mom and her new boyfriend were at some fancy cabin in North Carolina. Dad was on the road; he was scheduled to stay over in Highlands. He didn't have to tell me that he was staying with Betty and her husband, I already knew.

This year there would be no Christmas sing-a-longs, no hot chocolate by the fire, and missed most of all, no after-present food fight. I didn't bother putting up a tree or decorating, but I did put the holiday sweater on my dog and he loved it. He missed the food fight too. He would grab whatever could fit in his mouth then lay outside. He did that until his stomach couldn't hold anything more.

Christmas was my favorite holiday next to Halloween. Ironic, right? I had this nice, big house to decorate, yet I did nothing. Usually at this hour I would be in my bedroom putting on my dress and looking across the way to see Leah dancing with her deer antler headband. She bought me one, too, so that we could match. Each pair had jingle bells glued to them and lights that danced to the music. We wore those ridiculous things all night. My mom had to take several pictures of us throughout the night for her annual holiday collage. I missed things like that now.

Now, at my house, when I looked out my bedroom window, all I saw was open space. No best friend next door, no lines of trees. Just blank, open space. The view was sad. I needed to plant trees or flowers, maybe a garden. I couldn't tolerate the emptiness. It's one thing to have an empty house, I didn't want anything else in my life to feel that way.

It wasn't even snowing. This was Christmas Eve and the sun was shining. I wanted it to snow like it had on every Christmas before. What was different about this year? This year, I was on my own.

If I would have believed Leah about Frankie, we would still be friends. It would be snowing, and we would be out there having a snowball fight. My dog would relieve himself on our masterpiece of a snowman. We did the same thing every year, but it never got old. Leah and I would count down to the snow days and we would wake up long before the sun to start playing.

She lived at the beach with her husband now. The snow was the same as me, a part of her past. I'm sure she missed one more than the other.

With Kardai gone, I felt even lonelier. She texted me multiple times every day, which I appreciated, but I still missed her. This was her first big holiday with Tommy. They wanted to meet each other's families and they had said the L word. I knew they would be married soon, although they disagreed. I called it the first time I saw them together.

I wondered how Betty was doing with her due date approaching. With Christmas already here, I hoped the baby clothes I ordered would arrive on time.

I didn't bother shopping for gifts this year. Betty needed things for the baby, and I picked up a few things for Eric. Mostly video games I knew he would enjoy. There was no point in getting my parents anything. The tradition with Leah was off the table too. No eggnog and ugly pajama party this year.

On Christmas Day, I stayed in bed watching the Star Wars movies. Dad, Leah, and I used to marathon the Die Hard movies. Everything changed this year.