Game Over, Engineer

WW

2021

STATIC SOUNDS. TEETH sinking into her tongue. Heavy weight in her chest. Metallic taste. Blood.

She closed her eyes tightly as her knees turned weak.

Killed. . .

His tormentors. . . made him kill her parents?

That thought made her shiver, at parang sumabog ang kanyang utak. Her cheeks feel hot, and she gritted her teeth as her heart simmered with anger, mirroring the fire behind her eyes.

Galit siya. . . The organization killed her parents. Her parents were killed. They didn't get into accident. 

They were killed by her man's tormentors.

She clenched her fists as her chest thumped in a hurricane of emotions. Hindi niya na maiintindihan ang nararamdaman. Her chest carried turbulent seas. Para siyang nalulunod, and no matter how she tries to reach the surface, the trench of darkness just keeps on pulling her down.

"You didn't kill them, Jaxavion. They told you to mess with the auto-pilot car that her parents made! It was them! Kasalanan nila! You were just young back then who were controlled by a bunch of motherfuckers!

"Hindi mo kasalanan ang nangyari. You did what you were told to do because you were held hostage. Stop blaming yourself!"

"No, Enesha! I'm a murderer—"

Enesha gasped. "If that's your perspective. . . does it mean you see me as a murderer, too?" Humina ang boses ni Enesha, and her voice was so full of pain that it added the gnawing pain that she's feeling. Ramdam niyang natigilan si Jaxavion sa narinig. 

Nagmulat siya ng mga mata at kumunot ang kanyang noo. Enesha didn't say it directly, but do her words mean. . . she was controlled, too? 

That she was just like Jaxavion who was tortured and abused and made them do things against their own will?

She covered her mouth with her palm, her heart breaking for the siblings. Just. . . just what the fuck did they gone through?! They were kids, for fuck's sake!

"E-Enesha, I-I didn't—"

"Yes, you are. We had gone through the same situation, Jack! You and Alex always consoled me before! And you kept on telling me that whatever I did will never be my fault because I didn't have a choice and that I was controlled. Why can't you apply it to yourself as well, huh?!" rinig niya ang inis sa boses ni Enesha, and her voice made her almost jump from where she stood.

She never heard Enesha burst. . . ngayon lang. And the coldness in her voice mixed with frustration somehow made the hair on her neck stand on an end. 

"I understand that Jilyanzel, being your lover, is what triggered you to have this mindset. But, Jack. . . you can never move the mountains if you keep on running away. Walang mabibigyan ng hustisya kung parati mong iniisip na kasalanan mo ang lahat. . . na para bang ginusto mong mangyari 'yon. Wala kang kasalanan. Inosente ka." Enesha sighed. Huminahon ang boses nito at bakas ang pagod doon.

"If you are in my place, Enesha, what would you do? Kasi. . . litong-lito na ako kung ano ang dapat gawin. . ." Jack's voice was breaking, but he was trying hard not to. He sniffed, and she could imagine her man's tear-streaked face and bloodshot eyes. 

Kinagat niya ang pang-ibabang labi at huminga nang malalim. A tear fell from her eye, and she quickly wiped it away. Pero sunod-sunod na nagsituluan lang ang kanyang luha. She gritted her teeth and covered her mouth harshly to prevent a sob from escaping. 

Her chest feels numb due to the weight of emotions and her stomach keeps on turning, making her want to vomit. This must be really hard for her man. . .