In Her Eyes

Chapter 4: The Clock

**Fantasia's POV

3 weeks, 2 days. I don't know the hours.

Hell...yes I do. It's been 11 hours, 16 minutes. 32 seconds.

The last time I saw her was after our trip to New York, and we landed in LA. I didn't realize I would miss her so much. I craved her presence. Her scent. That smile...her body.

I feel like I'm craving something I've never even had. We haven't had sex. We've had so many intimate moments, where we touched. A glimpse of our sexual desires. Where we felt each other, but it almost felt like we were simply finding a spiritual connection within each other. It must've worked, because I'm convinced my heart constantly tugs for her. We must have one heart.

These feelings were so heavy. I love the way she loves me, and I'm afraid to take a chance by changing the dynamics of our relationship. I haven't felt much love after ending things with Michael. I realized we had two different mindsets in how we wanted life to look. I wanted a better career, to be able to reach out to more people. He was upset because he felt like everyone would always have my attention more than he did. I tried to tell him, at the end of the day, I always came home to him. But, he wasn't sure it was really the Fantasia he married that laid in bed with him every night. He wasn't sure he was the same Michael either. Truth is, he realized he never got over his own ex. He wished he could be in different shoes, because he was still in love with her.

I couldn't argue with that. I wasn't sure that it was the same me. I know it wasn't the same him. The him that would tell me he loved me constantly, how beautiful I was. The him that would wake up at the crack of dawn to make me breakfast, and buy me flowers. The man that used to just sit with me for hours on hours, talking and listening to everything I had to say.

But slowly over the years, I knew our love was losing a battle. But I was too afraid to let it go yet. Without him, who would my daughter Zion and I really have? I needed a family.

Eventually he did go back to his ex, filing divorce. While signing paper after paper, I couldn't help but wonder if he would do those same things for her that he used to do for me. I wonder if he'd take her out, hold her hand. Did he learn her body the way he knew mine? Would he call her "his prettiest flower" the way he used to tell me?

Even though I knew that the relationship couldn't last at the rate things were going, holding on felt right. For months I held on, until a few weeks ago when everything was finalized. But sometimes, holding on does more damage than good.

Now I sit in this empty house, walking past empty picture frames everyday. An empty fridge, rooms that were filled with distant memories. It was so still, so quiet.

But I couldn't help but imagine touching her again. This time, with the intent to please her. I want to feel every part of her. I want to be able to kiss her anywhere I want. I want her to feel good, shaking with satisfaction by my hand. I want to be the only one who can do that to her. I should be the only one she thinks of when she touches herself. I want to fill and bombard her mind. I want her to breathe me in, until she can think of nothing but me.

I press my thighs together tightly, while images of her body flash in my head. God, how could I focus like this? Why do I do this to myself? I stare up at the clock, urging it to go quicker.  That maybe if I went on about my day, I'd have something else to think about.

I had a cast lunch meeting in an hour, but I could only think of one taste I needed on my lips. I would see her again shortly. Pursing my lips, I attempted to remember what hers felt like against my face. I needed her.

Maybe it wouldn't hurt to...I slip my hands downward. Maybe it wouldn't hurt to keep imagining. After all, an hour is plenty of time. In that moment I appreciated the empty house. It was just me, my thoughts, and of course Taraji flooding my mind.