At Kevin's Mercy 2: Reclaimed

22. Think of me.

I remain quiet and stare at the ground of our bedroom.
Kevin told me to use the toilet and freshen up after breakfast while he was going to prepare some things with Felix.
I was to remain in the bedroom until he told me otherwise.
Even if he didn't tell me exactly what he was going to do I knew it had something to do with Maxwell in basement. 
With nothing else to do I sat on the edge of the bed, it was just me and my thoughts.
Thoughts that never seemed to stop going in the wrong direction, they kept going back to Maxwell and Kevin's father.
Shivers went over my spin while I thought about everything that happened, the things they did, the things they wanted to do.
Knowing Maxwell was still in the same house as me made it all the more scarier.
I still felt his hands on me... his breath on me, those eyes that were undressing me.
It made me feel sick.
Kevin never made me feel physically sick when he did the same things to me.
And he did a lot more things I never asked for, things I never knew I wanted to do...

I need Kevin to make me forget all this.
He said to tell him if I'm hurt and I told him I'm hurt.
Why isn't he here with me?
I told him I'm scared and I didn't want to be alone.
It's like my feelings don't matter.

Stupid... I'm so stupid, my feelings never mattered to Kevin, they never did.
I can't forget I'm his captive, not his lover... I'm not free.
He's the one pushing me to where he wants me to be.
It never matters to him if I want what he does to me, he'll make me want it.
All he cares about is if I love him or not, the rest isn't important, I'm not important.
I know that, it shouldn't be a surprise...
But it still hurts.

Kevin doesn't care... he doesn't care, he never did.
I just don't want to be alone, I'm scared.
Is that so hard to understand for him?
What if they find me and take me away again?
What if he can't find me if that happens...
I don't want to be alone, I need Kevin.
But he doesn't care...

"Did you do everything I told you, baby?"

Kevin's voice pulled me out of my train of thought.
Quickly I wipe away the tears that were rolling down my cheeks and looked up at him.
There was a hint of sympathy in his eyes, maybe he does care?

"Awn sweetie, don't cry. You'll feel better when that bag of shit is out of the house. Just be patient for a little bit longer and everything will be as it should. Just you and me and no one else."

He pulled me in his embrace, his big arms wrapped tightly around me.
With one arm he held me close against him, his other hand gently lifted my chin up to face him.
A soft gentle kiss on my lips followed.
A warm and fuzzy feeling spread through my body.
I'm an idiot of course he cares.
Kevin loves me, I should just trust him.

When he lets go of me I spot the bag he dropped on the bed.

"What's that?"

I ask a little curious and somehow holding the idle hope it might be chocolate.
That would certainly make me feel better, but I knew that couldn't be it.
Kevin never gives me a reward before hand.

"This will make you think of me all day, so you won't feel lonely."

He smirked at the last part of his sentence while he looked down at me.
His hands, the ones that rested on my shoulders, suddenly push down on me.
Forcing me back on the bed and lay on my back with him hovering above me.
What could he have that will force me to think of him all day when he's not around?
Fear starts to creep up on me, he's going to tie me up again.
I'll be bound in some uncomfortable stance again, wishing and begging for him to come back.
The look in his eyes is not making me feel better.
I'm just a toy to him.
His favorite toy, but still just a toy.

Kevin's hands travel down my sides, slowly moving over the fabric of his shirt, the one I used to sleep in.
I was still in the same outfit as last night, it was all I had.
Kevin threw away the maid-outfit his dad had forced me to wear the second we arrived here.
My own clothes were still in the other house and some of them were probably still in Kevin's car where he crashed it.
Kevin's eyes stay fixed mine.
I stare back at his smirking face.
He's got something lewd planned out for me again.
I hate how this makes me want him.
Him being scary makes my body and mind remember what will follow.
If I obey... if I'm good, pleasure will follow.
If I'm not... it will be pain.
His fingers hook behind the edges of my underwear, slowly pulling it down with him while he rises to his full height.
I gasp in anticipation when I feel him part my legs.