through it all, there was you ↠ conrad fisher {2} (on pause)

e l e v e n

Conrad's point of view:
.·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·.

      This doesn't feel real. It feels like I'm living in a dream. I can't process the fact that I lost my mother and now my girlfriend. I rightfully lost my girlfriend. I stopped trying as soon as Mom got sick. I can't even blame her death, it was before. It was hard to be home, hard see her like that. I don't know how Claire did it everyday all day. It must of been so scary.

         I feel physically sick. I feel my entire breakfast ready to come up. I'm —

No. Fuck this. No. I am not fucking losing her. This may be selfish but I'm going to prove to her why I want to still be with her. I need to think about this, because I'm going to win my girl back.

I go to the garage because I'm gunna stop at the store to get supplies. I'm going to get her favorite food, flowers, and books. I'm going to do everything I possibly can to keep her.

*   *   *

       There was a time when I was 15 and Claire was 14. I don't remember why, maybe because I didn't ask but she was terribly sad. Looking back, I hate that I didn't ask. I should have figured out what was wrong, but I didn't care what was exactly making her sad, all I wanted was her to stop being sad.

        No one could find her. Belly came into my room freaking out that Claire was missing and they had checked everywhere. It didn't take me long to realize where she was. Claire had a habit of hiding. Sometimes everything just became too much and all she needed was time to think.

        I had seen it happen on more then one occasion. She'd get overstimulated and instead of shouting like I probably would have in a situation like that she shut down. She'd excuse herself from whatever was making her upset and go to this one place. She'd close her eyes and sit there for hours until she felt calm enough to come out.

       Her parents didn't always fight. When she was younger she had a picture perfect childhood. When they started to fight at first she didn't understand and it took a couple of years for the panic attacks to start. At first she'd shut down. It's like her body would go into autopilot and she just needed her space. I knew that's where she was now, so I just told Belly not to worry and I'd find her.

        I didn't bring Belly with me knowing Claire wanted to keep this place a secret. I grabbed a blanket, and made my way to the beach. Claire house has a wooden walkway that leads to the beach. There is a spot that has a gazebo, but under the gazebo there is a gap between the wood and the sand. It's just big enough for one of us to fit through but once we get under there there is plenty of space.

       She brought lights in there at some point so she could go out at night. You can see the beach and hear the waves. It is her safe space and I never intended to intrude but with everyone so worried she couldn't hide today.

        When I slipped into the hole, she seemed startled but quickly relaxed realizing it was me. "Hi," I grunted once I hit the ground.

         She sighs, facing out at the water. Her gaze is focused on a point in the distance, nothings there but ocean. "How did you find me?" She asks, her gaze never straying from that fixed point.

        "I always notice where you are," I mumble as I drape the blanket over her shoulders.

       She looked over at me then, a small smile on her lips. "Thanks," she said quietly.

        "Hey," I cleared my throat. "Do you remember when Jeremiah hit that rock and flew over his handle bars?" I asked.

        I looked over and saw her grinning. "Yeah," she giggles. "And then Belly practically waited on him hand and foot for two days after because he milked it so hard."

        "Right! She even brought him breakfast in bed!" I laughed, she joined in and the sound of her laughter made my heart flutter. Her laughter died down and she looked over at me. "Everyone's worried about you, you know?"

        "I know," she admitted. "I just —"

         "Needed a minute," we said at the same time and I flushed and looked away.

        "Yeah," she sighs. "I did."

         "I can go and let everyone know you're alright. Take all the time you need," I said and started to get up but she stopped me by placing a hand on my arm.

        "Can you stay?"

         "Yeah, of course. Always," I whispered the last word.

        Always would I stay with you. Always I will notice things that are hidden from everyone else's eye sight. Always I will love you.

authors note:
did anyone notice the Claire and Conrad moment from when they were younger that they still do when they were together..?👀