Curse of Loneliness

Lone Mind

It was nighttime, the room was silent and dark, the only thing seen was bright were his candles. And the only thing that was heard was his finger as he brushed it through the page of his book. Elias focused his eyes on each word, carefully reading it in complete silence, and yet his mind was racing with analyses and questions.

His mind would often take trips to the past while reading, and then to the future as he stopped to analyze. He sometimes would hate it, but he felt as if it was his job. As a vampire, he never knew his place on earth, or why he was even born a vampire. All he knew was that he existed, but that wasn't enough for him. He wanted to know why he was forced to hurt people for his own health, why must he thirst over human blood. Through the days, if it's not questions of myths, he questions his own existence.

Elias stopped for a moment to look around, noticing the slight tint of blue in his room. He could see it more clearly, even with just one candle on. It confused him a little, until he grabbed the curtain of the window in front of his desk and raised it to see the sky a brighter blue. He then looked at the clock on his desk to notice it was 6 AM already. He had been reading and analyzing all night. Even though he didn't want to yet, he stood up to take a break. He stretched his arms and legs far enough to feel his muscles hurting. His grunting was the first noise he heard coming from his mouth in a while; he hadn't talked to anyone for so long.

He finally walked out of his room to examine the hallways once again, never seeming surprised at how clean they look in the morning. The kitchen was illuminated by a ray of sunlight which warmed up the counter as he placed his hand on top of it, feeling it as if he were trying to convince himself that it was the first time, he felt wooden material. But it wasn't. As he picked up the remaining pie from last night, he accepted again that it wasn't the first time he would feel the crust of the pie and the jam brush through his mouth. It would never be the first time again that he would feel something so new.

Still, he walked outside to see the flowers in his garden and noticed they had finally bloomed. He smiled and sat down on the staircase to drink his tea and eat his piece of pie. Everything was silent, not a single voice or bird heard. Only the munching in his mouth, and even his breathing. It was as if he was the only person on earth left. As he felt his own skin, his own hands and chest moving, he despised it. He despised feeling so empty, but why? Why is there a reason to feel this way? The sky was beautiful, and so were the flowers that he worked so hard to grow. The sun was shining so warm on top of him on such a cold day, so why is there a reason to feel this way?

He noticed, he spaced out and had stopped eating his pie. He would have stayed there for a little while if he hadn't felt something begin to crawl on his body. He began looking around to notice a white mouse on top of his shoulder.

"Good morning, Bingo." Elias whispered, beginning to smile at the mouse and brushing his finger through the top of the mouse's head. He then placed his hand in front of the mouse, letting it crawl on top of his hand and staring at the mouse as it moved around.

What a beautiful day it was to be alive. He spoke to his mouse a little bit and got to see the clouds as they shuffled around the sky along with the flowers as they danced with the wind, letting their waves tear their soft petals up into the air. All of it was gorgeous and worth the appreciation, though he felt like something was missing. He couldn't help but feel a wave of melancholy and loneliness torture him for a second, suddenly changing his lenses of the environment around him to be absolutely tiring to look at. No matter at what different state he saw the world to be, it would be the most frustrating thing to be witnessing every single day. So repetitive, so tiring, so miserable.

For the first time in a while, he deeply craved an interaction with someone. He didn't want to feel so alone, and then that's when he heard his phone ring from his room. It startled him out of the wave of misery, and he quickly stood up to walk to his room and pick it up.

"Hey Elias, it's Mildred, remember me?" He saw the message on his phone. His eyes widened as he quickly remembered Mildred, the boy who went with him as he moved countries. He quickly typed to the message in surprise and yet nervousness. "Yes, hi." He kept still in his position as he noticed that he was beginning to type something back. Even though it took a little longer than he expected, he stayed still with his eyes locked onto his phone waiting. "It's been a while. I met up with Xavier a little bit ago and wanted to ask if you wanted to come over to visit and hang out with us?" The message said. Elias stood there for a moment, slightly struggling to remember who Xavier was, he only remembered being in the boat with Mildred. His eyebrows rose as he remembers when he met Xavier and began to type back.

"Sure. Location?" He messaged.

"Brixpock creek, you can take a train and we'll pick you up." Mildred replied.

"Ok." Elias finally said.

Elias stared at the messages for a moment already feeling something new. Someone finally had spoken to him, though he never thought it would be a childhood friend.

He remembers 12 years ago, being in a young boy in a boat with a young Mildred sitting beside him and a man sitting in front of them. They would be asked questions; Elias normally didn't reply nor show any emotion. Unlike Mildred, who would answer these questions asked and even ask other questions with trust and yet fear. Elias would always question how he could trust someone like that and be so talkative even to him. Whenever he lived with Mildred, he remembers he would always be so talkative and open towards him, building a friendship in no time. Elias never knew why he was so different, but now he's meeting with him after so many years.

Elias sat in his bed, staring at his walls fantasizing about how things would turn out to be. He felt so many things at once, excitement, anxiety, relief, curiosity. But maybe it wasn't going to be that bad, or maybe it wasn't going to be that good. Whatever it was going to be, he then stood up to face it.

"Today, right?" Elias messaged.