Curse of Loneliness

Shameful Secret

"I found a new friend for you both." They once heard that comforting voice that called out to them each time he stepped into the house. Mildred and Elias turned their eyes, as they heard something different rather than a greeting.

They saw Mylo as he always was, though beside him was a little kid with his head down, not willing to look at anything else other than the floor. Elias had at first thought he was simply scared. As if he thought they were judging him. But Mildred saw more than that. He saw that Xavier was already judged many times. What he had seen in Xavier was guilt. The one that tore him apart and kept his head down in shame, the one that hadn't allowed him to see the future or the present. Always in the past, always being eaten by his mistakes.

But that's in the past. There are a lot more things to not only worry but be happy about. Some food and friends would help fill that void for at least a short time. It doesn't always have to matter whether others are happy or not, Xavier once thought to himself as he poured a glass of beer and passed it onto Mildred with a smile on his face. They are happy, that's what matters.

"Thank you, Xavier. Elias, would you like some beer?" Mildred looked over at Elias, who seemed to have been slightly overwhelmed. He looked at Midred and declined. Xavier looked at Elias as he noticed he was overwhelmed. "Are you okay, Elias? You don't seem to be feeling well. Do you need anything?" Xavier asked. Elias looked at him and shook his head. "You do look a little nervous too, do you often talk to people? It's important to interact you know?" Mildred spoke as well, taking a small sip of his beer. "Not really, I don't have any neighbors," Elias replied.

They looked at him slightly shocked as if they had never seen somebody who lives alone. But that wasn't what had shocked them. They were shocked at how far he lived from simply another building. "It's actually kind of worrying that you live so far...I don't know if I would survive without being able to see anything but trees." Mildred let out a giggle. "It's clearer now the reason you're nervous, but why did you decide to live so isolated?" Xavier sat down in a chair by the table. "I don't want to kill people as often as I used to when I was younger. Since it has become a habit of mine to suddenly snap at someone, I decided to isolate myself back when I knew I couldn't control myself." Elias answered. "Well, gladly there's only three of us. So maybe you'll have more time to get used to talking to people or something, I don't know..." Mildred said.

Elias looked at him for a moment and remembered that there weren't three vampires. There were a lot more than he thought, or his family had died before he even knew. But even though, he knows there were more than three that could have been in the house now. There was someone missing. "Where's Mylo?" Elias asked.

Mildred raised his head as he heard him mention Mylo. He looked over at Xavier who also looked at him. There was a look of sadness in their faces. Mildred looked back at Elias, "Mylo's dead. He has been for the past few years. Like, after we all separated." Mildred stood up to put the empty glass in the sink.

Elias felt his heart drop a little. "How? I don't remember seeing him go." He looked down. Mildred took a minute to reply. Thinking if he should tell the truth or not. Xavier hadn't said anything either. The silence became heavy and uncomfortable, almost as if there was something to hide. Almost as if Elias wasn't supposed to ask that.

"It's hard to explain, you see. It's also quite shameful." Xavier finally spoke up, knowing that Mildred wouldn't have liked to answer that question. Even though he didn't want to either, he felt responsible. He is responsible.

Xavier told Elias the shameful truth. How one day, Elias was dying in an infinite forest so far from their home. He was one of the fastest vampires to get thirsty. And so, he quickly became thirsty to the point he was on the floor almost praying for a miracle and even wishing that he wasn't a vampire. Xavier and Mildred were scared and didn't know what to do. The forest was quiet only with the sound of the vampires' whispers and fearful breathing. There was no sight of any other person other than them.

They were all alone until they heard footsteps. There was not a voice that they could recognize, but footsteps that were not theirs. Xavier snapped into action and began chasing the footsteps, instantly pressing his teeth down on the neck of the person he hadn't seen until both were on the floor. Xavier looked at the body, white silky hair and tan skin. He gasped and almost screamed at the dead body of whom he had looked up to. The dead body of the one who had saved his life. He broke down, pulling his hair and scratching it as he stared at the mark that he had left on Mylo's neck bleeding in a rush, quickly reaching down the floor. He was hyperventilating in fear, though stood up and dragged him back to Mildred and Elias. Even though Mildred and Xavier didn't want to, it was their only way. They wanted to save Elias.

Elias felt several things at once. Some that he couldn't even acknowledge. He didn't know whether to call it disappointment, shame, guilt, or anger. He was feeling too much to even speak, though he wanted to say something. But he couldn't. He couldn't look at Mildred or Xavier, now knowing that he was the reason for the death of someone so special to the three of them. Someone so special to Elias. Xavier or Mildred didn't look at Elias either, letting time pass in the most uncomfortable way they could imagine. Not knowing how Elias would react, but guessing exactly how Elias could be feeling at the moment.

"I will need some time alone," Elias spoke as he stood up. Mildred nodded, and Xavier told him to take care. After that, Elias left the house with dozens of thoughts going through his head.

He looked at the forest as he stepped out of the train. Something squeezed his chest. As if his thoughts were reaching down to his heart and suffocating him. Walking through the dark woods, he noticed that the forest seemed familiar. As if he had seen it before he began living there. It made him uncomfortable. It made him want to vomit. Until he stepped on something. He normally steps on something that felt like a simple bump of dirt when he walks to the forest. But it added to the nauseous feeling. It added a few beats to his heart. He stopped walking and knelt in front of the bump and examined it. It was the same size of a human being. The same size as the one he loved so deeply, the one he looked up to so much. He was seeing Mylo's grave. The same place where he was buried yet there was no tombstone. There was no memorial, no one to recognize where he was or who he was. Elias felt as if his throat was closing, he felt as if he were about to pass out. He wanted to scream, he wanted to cry, he wanted to do anything to express whatever he was feeling. Such anger, such fear, such sadness, those unknown things that made him panic.

He made it to his house at last, staring at it. Staring at the flowers that he had grown for years, all seeming so cursed. But it was the only thing he had.

At last, he made it to his bed. Hearing the creaks that will now forever haunt him. Feeling uncomfortable at the fact that he even has a home, that he has things to eat in his kitchen, and that he has a bed to sleep in. The memory of the grave wouldn't let him sleep. The thought of Xavier and Mildred wouldn't leave his brain, it wouldn't let him sleep either. The questions wouldn't let him sleep. The questions on why it happened. Why he had to be the most bloodthirsty, why did it go the way it did? His eyes meet with the desk and the books that haven't been touched in several days. His phone lights up, and he looks at a message.

"I'm sorry about what happened, I really hope you're okay." Mildred messaged. He wonders if he even deserves such care and worries about him. There is no reason anymore. There was a moment when he believed that things could change if he moved to Brixpock. At one moment he believed that he could be deserving of love and sympathy from friends. But he doesn't want to hear it again.

"I did it because I love you" He heard his mother's voice whisper in his ear.

"I did it because I care about you." He heard his father whisper in his ear.

He didn't want to hear those disgusting words, so he stood up and refused to sleep. He sat down in his chair and opened a book because there were more things he loved and cared about other than himself.