I had this constant urge inside me of wanting to show Josh out make those couple goal videos with him, post him and all but I couldn't do it because of his other girlfriend who he shows out and I was just a secret private thing as he used to say he wants to marry in the end. I was stupid enough for falling for that although I had my pride this time when he came back I never used to force him to do anything nor beg for love or to hold me or anything I had built a mindset of "if he wanted to, he will." but yes was still loving him the same so that I won't regret realising that I didn't love him enough to walk away again even though the first time this wasn't the reason at all and I knew whoever he dates and however the girl would be no one could ever love him the way I do, I feel home with him, I love him the way that an own blood related person would although maybe more. You see it's unreal and unexplainable it's a thing you can only feel because we're just humans. No matter where we are he's still in my heart and I'm keeping him safe like I'm a locksmith. I'll protect him no matter what there's no chance of me getting ready to let him go even though if he goes as I thought he wouldn't. Love is shitty it completely ruins a person if it doesn't work despite everything you know you would do anything for your love but if it doesn't come back as it should be you're done because you know you'd take a bullet straight through your head but he won't do the same. I still didn't care yes I would die for him but that's my level of love for him I just want mine to be clear enough to show that and it does because I never asked anything in return and never will. I just want him to know that I do love him and it's an old school love if not him than nobody....
