Drinking Eridanus

Roman Ritual

I miss the smell of saline
And broken coffee cups
And flour in an oil pan

The feeling of a cold countertop
And your lips against my pulse and
The knowledge that my disappearance wouldn't go unnoticed

Too many nights spent crying to a slider turtle
Too many days spent under covers and
Too many seconds wasted for too many words in my esophagus

But the first time I spoke and heard your voice,
I was doomed,
The compartments of my synapses leaked half-truths onto the pink carpet

Suddenly, all at once, I had already vanished
Already an apparition, already atomically annihilated
Semper numquam, semper nihil

Let me drain this abcess of excess and exorcise my rights,
Let me become as holy water baths,
Sage my bones and cleanse my eyes

Let me atone and be washed in crimson,
Seen again, seen at last,
For the first time whole

And no longer given up for you,
My body, my blood, my spirit,
Will no longer sing your hymns and no longer lie on your altars