The SpongeBob and Maddie SquarePants Movie

Chapter 12: The Hasselhoff

SpongeBob: Come on, Patrick and Pippa! Let's get this crown back to Bikini Bottom! [The four carry the crown outside to the beach] Do you still have that bag of winds?

Patrick: I sure do. [Patrick shows a lump on his butt. He, Pippa, Maddie and SpongeBob laugh] Here you go. [Pulls out the bag. SpongeBob stares at the lump, wide-eyed] What?

Maddie: Nothing, nothing... Okay, let's go over the instructions. [Reads the paper with the instructions on it] Let's see, it says here, "Step 1: Point bag away from home."

Pippa: OK. [Points bag at Shell City]

SpongeBob: "Step 2: Plant feet firmly on ground."

Patrick: Right! [Plants his feet in the sand]

Maddie: "Step 3: Remove string from bag releasing the winds."

Pippa: Check. [Pulls the string tied around the bag, and the bag flies out of her arm. She looks around]

SpongeBob: Well, that seems simple enough. "Point bag away from home, feet firmly on ground, pull string, releasing the winds." All right, let's do it for real.

Patrick: Uh, SpongeBob? [points to the bag flying away like a deflating balloon]

Maddie: No, no, stop! [She chases after the bag]

Pippa: I was bad, I'm sorry! Please, bag. I'm sorry, I just thought... It was a mistake! [the bag falls into the water]

SpongeBob: Oh, no. How will we ever get back to Bikini Bottom now?

David Hasselhoff: I can take you there. [SpongeBob, Maddie, Pippa and Patrick spot David Hasselhoff running towards them]

Maddie: Who are you?

David Hasselhoff: I'm David Hasselhoff.

SpongeBob, Maddie, Pippa and Patrick: Hooray!

SpongeBob: So where's your boat?

David Hasselhoff: Boat? [He laughs heartily]

[The next scene depicts SpongeBob, Maddie, Pippa and Patrick riding toward Bikini Bottom on Hasselhoff]

Maddie: Go, Hasselhoff!

Patrick: Next stop: Bikini Bottom.

[In Bikini Bottom, Plankton's slaves are still under control]

Bikini Bottom Residents: All hail Plankton. All hail Plankton.

[Inside the Krusty Krab 2, Plankton is walking in]

Plankton: Well, Krabs, you know what today is? [Looks at calendar. The date is March 13] Sorry about this calendar. [Changes it] March 14. Wait, that's not right. It should say "The day that Krabs fries!" [He laughs evilly. He looks out the window and sees Neptune and Mindy arrive. He chortles] Guess who's here.

[Above the ocean, Hasselhoff is now gliding like a motor boat. A fisherman looks at Hasselhoff and he falls to the sea]

SpongeBob: Hooray for Hasselhoff! Nothing can stop us now.

Pippa: Unidentified object off the hindquarters.

Maddie: It looks like... [The Cyclop's boot emerges from the ocean] Bigger boot. But how?

[The boot stops behind Hasselhoff's foot. From the bottom is a green, smudged smear, much like Plankton's earlier when SpongeBob stepped on him. From it, Dennis emerges with his sunglasses smashed, his clothes tattered and his teeth jagged.]

SpongeBob: AHH! IT'S DENNIS!!

Dennis: Did you miss me?

[At the Krusty Krab 2, Neptune and Mindy arrive]

Plankton: [He has popcorn and a drink with him. He is sitting on a small chair] This is the best seat in the house. All right, Neptune, let's get it on!

Neptune: Eugene Krabs, your 6-day reprieve is up. And it is time for you to die.

Mr. Krabs: [Krabs is rapidly sweating mounds of ice cubes] Please, I didn't do it! [sobs]

Neptune: There is nothing else I can do.

Mindy: You can give SpongeBob, Maddie, Pippa and Patrick a little more time.

Neptune: Except give SpongeBob, Maddie, Pippa and Patrick a little more ti-ti-ti-ti-ti-ti-time? What? [Realizes what he just said, then turns to Mindy] Mindy, will you butt out? I won't have you stalling this execution.

Mindy: Stalling? I'm not stalling anything.

Neptune: Yes, you are.

Mindy: No, I'm not.

Neptune: Yes, you are. You're doing it right now.

Mindy: I'm stalling.

Neptune: Yes.

Mindy: Stalling?

Neptune: Stalling!

Mindy: Stalling.

Neptune: STALLING!!!

Plankton: Oh, boy.

[Back above the ocean, Dennis has cornered SpongeBob, Maddie, Pippa and Patrick. Patrick and Pippa are holding SpongeBob and Maddie in fear.]

Dennis: Now, where were we? [Removes his damaged sunglasses]

Maddie: Patrick and Pippa, run!

Patrick: No. I'm tired of running. If we run now, [Prepares to fight Dennis] we'll never stooooo-! [Dennis throws Patrick and Pippa towards Hasselhoff's feet] Run, SpongeBob and Maddie!

[SpongeBob and Maddie runs under Dennis. SpongeBob and Maddie slide in Hasselhoff's behind but Dennis stabs it with his knife]

David Hasselhoff: Ooh! Take it easy back there, fellas.

[SpongeBob and Maddie are in Hasselhoff's legs trying to avoid Dennis]

Pippa: SpongeBob and Maddie, be careful.

Dennis: Come on, kids, give it up. [SpongeBob and Maddie look at the edge] Dennis always gets his man. [Grabs SpongeBob and Maddie but they slowly jumps to Hasselhoff's other leg]

SpongeBob: Neveeeeeeeeeeer!!! [Reaches the other side] Yeah! I did it!

Dennis: [Suddenly in the other side behind SpongeBob and Maddie] You got guts, kids. [SpongeBob and Maddie are shocked] Too bad I gotta rip them out of you.

Maddie: I don't know what Plankton's paying you, [Takes out a pile of Goober Dollars] but if you let us go, I can make it worth your while. [Dennis swipes the dollars]

Dennis: It's gonna take a lot more than five...[looks at the dollars] What is this?

SpongeBob: That, sir, is five Goober Dollars. Legal tender at any participating Goofy Goober-- [Dennis tosses the dollars aside and grabs SpongeBob and Maddie by the throats] I got bubbles. Fun at parties. [sprays soapy bubbles into Dennis' eyes]

Dennis: [his eyes become irritated] My eyes! [Holds his eyes and he throws SpongeBob and Maddie]

Patrick: I got you, SpongeBob and Maddie. [Catches them]

Maddie: Thanks, buddy. [Dennis is ready to crush them with his cleated boot] Uh, thanks a lot.

Dennis: [his eyes are now sore] That's it. I'm through messin' around. See ya later, fools! [Boat horn honks] Huh? [Dennis turns around to see Hasselhoff swimming straight towards a catamaran.] Ahh!

[Dennis is struck by the catamaran and falls into the sea to his presumed demise]

Pippa: See ya.