When night fell

2 | Oui, oui

Olivetti lettera 32

I must have been near twelve years old. I was lying in bed, heavily upset, plucking onto my nails, and my hands itching to reach for the skin on my tummy. Papà still checked every week, so I knew I couldn't do the latter and that made me even more frustrated. I didn't respond when he knocked upon my bedroom door and hid my whole body underneath the duvets when he stepped inside my room.

"Cowboy.."

"I'm not, because you're not letting me!" I spat out instantly, his pet name for me triggering me enormously.

He crouched down beside my bed, tugged onto the covers, but I pulled them back roughly. I ignored him completely, pressing my nose against the wall as I turned my back to him. "Benji, sit up. We need to talk."

"About what?" There was a proper whirlwind going on in my mind. I was so angry, so upset that I couldn't think straight and I let things happen which I could once contain. "About all the dangerous things about being a cowboy and blah blah, stupid talk every time!" I started kicking the wall, pulling myself out of his grip.

"Sit up, Benjamin." His voice was stern, clear, but my mind ignored it completely. I continued to kick the wall and pull back the covers roughly when he tried to uncover me. Out of all sudden, I felt his strong grip onto both of my arms, my head lightly hitting the wall as he sat me up. "Stop doing this all the time. I'm just asking for a normal talk." His voice was full of exhaustion, pain, even.

"And I don't want to talk!" I screamed into his face, reaching for his arms while I tried to shake this sense into him. "I'm going to keep my mouth shut and shut forever, and ever, and ever!"

"Try to understand our views, Campione." He answered calmly, although I knew that a few more words would put him off the edge, and his discipline would be stern on me. "We don't want you to get hurt, don't you understand?"

"No, I don't! Every sport comes with its risks and Nolan can play football and Arthur can play hockey and Eric can play baseball and what can I do? Absolutely nothing because you are too chicken that something will happen with me! But I don't care if something happens to me, because I will be the one getting hurt and I want to play this sport!"

"Watch your tone!"

"No!" My hands reached for his face, my mouth for his ear as I screamed. There, I had hit the line. After I had felt the disciplined tap against the back of my head and those stern words that would shut me up for a while, I crawled deeper underneath the covers and cried for half an hour, feeling helpless, misunderstood and alone.

When I hadn't left the bed for half an hour, I heard another tap on the door. "Are you dressed, Benjamin?" It was Papà again, but he didn't sound angry anymore. In fact, Papà was never angry at me, just disciplined, and I knew it was something I needed sometimes.

I opened the covers and pulled on my trousers and sweatshirt, but not being able to bring myself to answer him. I stared down at my bare toes, waited for him to speak up again. When the door opened with a soft creak, I saw him pushing Gloria inside. She seemed shy, and although I was always ready to spit out some words, I became quiet too and looked at Papà with a questionable look.

"Gloria wanted to play with you, and I thought you might like that, too." Papà gave me a smile, which looked a little sad. I felt bad for him, I felt awful for behaving the way I did. So I agreed, although I became extremely hesitant. Yes, we had played before, but she spoke bad English and we were always surrounded by other children and she was a few years younger than I was.

I didn't even know how long she had lived in England for. Papà had told me she came from a country called Uganda. After a lot of commotion, a lawsuit and tests, she and her father were allowed to stay in England, legally. We had been there to support her, that day in court.

Papà closed the door and I stared at her, while she stared at her feet. Her skin was dark, and she had afro hair but it was always pulled back in two tight buns. I liked touching them, but now I couldn't even think of anything to say.

She looked around my room, carefully, as if she didn't want to pry through my privacy. I kept sitting on my bed, playing with my fingers, thinking of anything to say. "Merci." I pushed out of my mouth eventually, not looking into her eyes.

"Que veux-tu dire?"

I shook my head, I didn't understand what she meant. I looked into her eyes, she looked back. We both started laughing a little.

"Why.. merci?"

"Because you want to play with me." Once I said those words, I realised I meant them. I had lost a couple of friends in the last months. It hurt me, although I started to realise more and more that it was my own fault. I just couldn't always help my behavior, I couldn't contain it.

"Oh." Gloria sat down beside me on my bed, smiling softly. "C'est bon."

"Yes." I answered, not knowing what she meant. "So.. what do you want to play?"

Gloria nodded her head, but her eyes seemed uncertain.

"What?" I questioned again.

She nodded again.

I furrowed my eyebrows, looked around in my room. My eyes fell onto my Playmobil, so I pointed at it.

"Oui."

"We? Yes. We. Together." I pointed at her and me.

"Fine."

We sat down upon my floor, where my Playmobil was stalled out. She reached for a cow, so I instantly reached for the cowboy man I owned and ran after her. She screamed in French, I answered in a mix of Italian and English. And that's where our friendship started.

*

Benjamin and Gloria <3

Do you have any idea where this story is going? What has happened with Benjamin throughout the years?

Let me know your thoughts! Much love x