When night fell

7 | the news

Olivetti Lettera 32

After their exchanged kisses which I had seen, Papà and Salomé occasionally went out. Just to get to know each other better, Papà would say. It meant that I spent most of the time with either my neighbor Poppy, Teddy whom I called either grandpa or 'Unc', because he had been a father figure in Papà's life, or at Nolan's house.

It wasn't that I disliked spending time with them, they cared about and they cared for me, but part of me missed being alone with Papà, and obviously the times with Mamma when she was still alive. The idea of Papà falling in love again made my body act out in several ways. Often I had stomach aches, headaches and the attraction of food became either too big, or too less. It caused me to sneak snacks into my bedroom to eat them at an ungodly hour, or to sit puking on the toilet because I couldn't keep anything in.

Papà noticed all these changes, and often he sat on my bed, trying to pull the words and thoughts out of me. At that point, I didn't want to hurt him- I wanted him to feel okay after all the misery we'd been through, but at the same time I had my own thoughts and feelings, and they didn't match with what I wanted for him.

It was on a Sunday when they broke the news to me. Salomé usually went along with us to church, and afterwards she would drink coffee and eat some biscuits at our house, or the other way around where we visited her. It wasn't any different that day, however, I had taken notice of their quietness, but mutual soft smiles when they looked at each other.

They'd had lots of meetings with Teddy the week before, which had several babysitters bringing me to bed after loads of fights of me telling Papà I was old enough to care for my own. "To care for your own also means throwing your dirty underwear in the laundry basket and not letting it linger around your bedroom floor."

I had neatly pushed all of my dirty clothes into the laundry baskets the night after, but he didn't seem to notice. Or he didn't want to give in yet. I was only twelve, after all.

Back to that Sunday, I remember the weather being lovely, with the spring sun shining quite warmly and with only a few clouds traveling along the way. Salomé was wearing a floral dress and I thought of how Mamma would have thought she dressed way too romantic. Even if Mamma wore a floral dress, she would throw her own knitted sweater with colorful prints over it.

They drank tea. I drank coca cola and simply listened to them talk about the service while I kicked off my shoes, pressing my bare toes to the warmed up backyard tiles.

"Teddy's words may be simple, but those meanings.. they can change lives." Salomé mentioned, giving me a soft smile when we made eye contact. I had smiled back. Salomé was lovely, I liked her, and that wasn't the point of it all.

"Oh, surely they do.. which brings me to something else. Benji?" I looked up at Papà, saw how he swallowed, saw how his hands shook when they reached for mine. "Salomé and I want to tell you something. We wanted to wait until we were very sure, but maybe we've been sure for a very long-"

"Are you getting married?" I had blurted out, accidentally making the cola slosh over the edges, staining my beige trousers.

Papà sighed softly, then nodded his head. "Yeah, we are getting married." Salomé almost looked guilty, doing something which she wasn't supposed to, but I knew that wasn't the case. Papà's bottom lip had quivered, I could tell he was terrified to death to see my reaction.

"Mhm." I answered simply, staring down at my bare toes. It stayed awfully quiet after that, then I felt Salomé's soft fingers on my arm.

"Benjamin.." A shaky breath left her parted lips. "I don't really know what's going on inside your head at this point, but I hope that you know that I will never be able to replace your mother- and I don't even want to do that- please. Your mum will always be your Mamma, and nothing and no one stands in that way. No one, especially not me."