apprehension / hemmings

(6) yeah boy and doll face

"He flipped out," Violet's words left her lips in a laugh. I glanced over to her.

We were walking on the worn cement of the sidewalk. The thin, brick road beside us wasn't quite filled with cars. Small methods of transportation drove down the road every few minutes or so.

The streets were quiet. Our occasional laughter filled the London air, which reeked. Even though we'd only been walking for about two minutes, she had started the conversation with the fact that her father wasn't too keen on me.

"He won't like me. He wouldn't, yeah." I replied to her statement with a small chuckle.
"Aw," her eyes moved towards my smile, and I sipped from my coffee. "You've got dimples."

"Oh, yeah, I don't like to acknowledge them."

"You should," her eyes met her feet as she walked. "They're a nice feature. What've you been up to?"

"I'm looking for places that will get my mum the proper help that she needs."

"Help?"

I nodded a bit. I looked up from my tan cup of coffee, and around the street we were strolling down. The air was foggy, and smelt like the cigarettes smoked by female executives, who were constantly on the go. There's a difference between the scent, depending on the smoker.

A restaurant called The Lion was painted sandy colours. I couldn't ignore Violet's question for long though.

"She's drinking again. I mean, it's only been this frequent since the trials though." I explained.

"My mum died right before the trials." Vi glanced at me. Her eyes sparkled with specks of sapphire, the prettiest I'd seen.

"I'm so sorry," my lips pursed together once I'd gathered the courage to look at her.

Her arm was thin, and hooked with mine. She leaned her head against my shoulder, and we walked in unison with each other. I looked down at her, purely out of curiosity. Her pink lips sat in a straight line, so it was hard to read her expression, but if my assumptions were correct, she was thinking.

"I think it hit you hard."

"No," she let out a sigh, and we continued to walk. "My brother, Aster, was hit the hardest. He left us, and that's what hurt me. It still hurts. I miss him, so much."

Before I knew it, our feet led us to a graveyard. The thought of this graveyard possibly being where Violet's mother was buried made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up straight.

I never had the guts to ask her.

"Is this a date?" With a small chuckle, Violet looked up to me. I laughed aloud as my head nodded. "S'pose so, though, not really a romantic one."

"Aster used to take me here,"

I didn't have the words to reply to that, really. So, I stuck with a simple 'oh'.

"You really miss him, don't you?" I asked as we wandered throughout the cemetery grounds.

"I do."

"I'll stop talking about him."

Violet's eyes went from me to her feet. She pulled her hand out of her pocket, and slipped it into my larger hand. My chest felt as if it was clogging up with water.

I yanked my hand away.

"I'm sorry," Violet's eyes returned to my gaze. I shook my head.

Part of me wanted to hold her hand, but the other was telling me to shy away from anything that could make me intimate with her - emotionally or physically.

"You're an apprehensive boy, aren't you?"

"I think so. I'm afraid of bridges and I have $75 in Hot Cash in my pocket, s'pose it makes me different."

Violet laughed. "Tell me some of your fears,"

I squinted towards her slightly. Cars brushed past us on the street over, and my coffee was cold by now. I didn't want to share anything with here, because I knew that if I did, she'd become even more curious.

But, then again, when aren't I fucking up?

"Blood," I started by stretching my hands out, palms up. "I watched my best friend Brandon slice open the palms of his hands. I did it too. I never knew it would be painful, and give me a traumatic visit to the hospital. Doctors put us on a suicide watch, and I've been hemophobic since."

Violet stared at me in some form of what I could only make out to be awe. Her face fell, and I reached some of my fingers over to brush hair out of her face.

"Were you suicidal?" She questioned softly.

"I was, sort of. I was fourteen and going through a tough time with my mum and shit."

"Go on with the list," Violet slipped a cigarette in between her teeth, from the back of her pocket. She then lit the cigarette. I would've questioned it, but chose not to.

"Um, well, erm." My voice came out gruffish. I walked with Vi as I thought of another fear brought story to tell her, but soon found myself tripping over a small rock.

"Fuck!" I winced as a throbbing pain ached in my forehead. "Luke!"

Blissfully, the beauty quickly knelt on her knees, and helped me up on mine. "You oka-"

"What is it?" I went to rub the spot where my head hurt, but squirmed under the graze of my own finger pads. When I returned my fingers to my proper sight, I realized they were doused in blood.

Violet's eyes averted towards my fingers. My heart raced faster and faster at the sight of my own blood. My chest felt like someone had just lit my lungs on fire, and I wanted to vomit.

"Slacks and follies." I mumbled inexplicably under my breath, and stood up. I then proceeded to tear off a piece of my shirt and dab the place where I'd gashed up my head. "Fucking waste of a new shirt. Tell me about Aster."

"I told you already, I miss him. Want me to take you to a hospital?" Violet's expression wore a mixture of confusion, and fear.

"Nah, I'm fine. It's just the blood, s'all."

"Aster was a good kid who just missed his mum, so he left."

"Again, I'm sorry, Vi." I sighed quietly.

"Don't be," As we walked, she stopped and stared at a particular gravestone. It was large and red, and fresh flowers had been laid on the green grass that flourished above the grave.

Violet chuckled in what appeared to be remorse at the flowers; white roses with a ring on the stem. She then took the cigarette that was between her plump lips, and put it out on the petals of the flowers.

"He's still 'round."

sorry about how late this update was.
shit happened.
'sides the point, feedback is appreciateeeeeed.
can't stress that enough.
- n o v a