Kiss Me Before the Sky Falls

-Chapter 25- Trial and Heart Break - Louis' P.O.V. -

My hands trembled as I helped myself to my feet. I felt unstable, like I was walking on stilts. The nurse just sneered and walked away. I supposed I was meant to follow her and took a few shaky strides. Sweat beaded on my temples, I could only imagine what was the matter with my Bel.

"Lewis, is it?"

"Louis."

"But there's not an e at the end-doesn't matter. My name is logical." She muttered under her breath like I couldn't hear her. "We did not have to remove a section of your...girlfriend's brain, as previously said." My heart leapt in my throat.

"Is she alright then?!"

"Ah ah ah no jumping to conclusions now! This is no happily ever after." She hissed. "She still has problems that we can't solve."

"Will-will she survive?!"

"She's breathing right now but there's no guarantee how long it'll continue." My hopes crashed to the floor. So I was going to lose her...and no one could help. "Does she have a will prepared?"

"Of course not." I whimpered, I meant to yell but my voice came out more as a plea. "She wasn't expecting imminent death after fifteen hours of nuerosurgery-can I see her? Say goodbye?"

"If you want to accelerate her death fine."

"What?"

"Room 486." I didn't understand what the nurse had said but in a nutshell I was losing her. Finally ended this stupid fight with Liam and she's losing her life. Can't even see the good to come of it. And Jamie...I usually tried to be optimistic at times like this, but it was so hard. There was no sympathy to be found in this dammed place and no aide for the dying. Shelby was going to slip through my fingers...

I paced the corridors, crying but I didn't care who saw. Put it on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, I don't care. Louis Tomlinson, brokenhearted. Tearing up. Whatever they'll title it I don't care. They'll hear Shelby died and they'll think I'm back on the market again. I don't think I'll be able to go back out...

I found the room in the ICU. Just looking through the heavy-duty glass I felt a shiver run down my spine-all of the machines imaginable were hooked up to her, her thin, defeated body feeding all of them. I could hear their mechanical hum from outside and held my breath.

The door clicked open and shed light into the room. It smelled of powerful sterilizers and what I could only describe as raw flesh. It was rank and sure to give me a headache, but I wanted to be here for her...while she was here with me.

It was hard to find something on her I could touch. Her face had tubes in her nose and mouth with some strange gelatinous matter on her head in a bag, held to it with a sort of hair net. If I moved just right I could see a long slice of red on the top of her head. The rest of her was worse.

They had numerous machines jabbed into her stomach, thick and thin tubes, processing God knows what. One had a reddish liquid; I was convinced it was blood. Her arms were pocked with IV drips, with numerous serums. The only decency they'd done is bandaged around the holes in her stomach and tied a white cloth over her breasts. They had a thin sheet pulled to her waist on a shitty hospital bed.

"So this is how you're going down, eh button. You're one stubborn cunt. Can't just die, gotta cling to life for as long as possible, no matter how much it hurts. You always were a fighter, baby bunny." I wiped the tears off my face. "How are you? I know you're hurting...I could guess. But are you peaceful? Just-just...wait for me. I can't join you yet, I won't do that to Jamie, but...I guess I'm asking you to go to Heaven. Wait for me at the gates. I don't care how long it takes, I'll find you again. I'll go through Hell and back. That's what this feels like...is that what this is? A test? I've gotta be failing...I don't know what to do, I-I love you doesn't do it for girls anymore, you need brain surgery and and-I love you, I really fucking love you.

"I know no amount of words will save you, but I'll take it to my grave...I love you. I-I was going to propose to you on our anniversary, take you to the pool, call you over to the water...jump up and kiss you, pulling you under...then we'd watch the sunset, you'd giggle and blush, like you do...then when we walked back to the car, I'd get down on one knee, and present you with a ring. You would've liked it, I think. You had a thing for emeralds. Gorgeous stones. Remind me a bit of Harry's eyes...

"Can you hear me, love? Do you want to speak back to me? Course not...you like just to sit and think on your own at times like these, but...I feel like a child. But I don't want my mum's comfort, I want you. I want you to hold me, and kiss me, and tell me it'll be okay. I want you to say you love me, I want you, you...

"I want you to love me back in your heart."