The Night I Tried To Leave

The Hospital

The staff was weird around me.

They were nice but I could tell what they saw me as.

Broken, emotional and someone who made a bad choice.

The place I went to was small, most kids I think there was there was fourteen including me I believe. I got placed with another girl who was put in there for pretty much the same things as me. Suiside, self harm, etc. She was really nice and I would just talk to her.

We'd just talk about how we all hated the staff and some of the other kids who acted like the 'main character' (yes you can find them in a phyc ward.)

Later on she ended up leaving a few days after I got there and I got moved to a different room.

It was the second day when they decided to draw three tubes of my blood and do something that absolutely broke me.

Two female staff members took me into the bathroom and informed me that I had to dress into one of the hospital gowns and show them my cuts. They had a camera in their hands.

I was hesitant and horrified.

"We need to take photos of your cuts." One of them said.

I wanted to cry, that wasn't right.

I stood still as they started to take pictures of my legs, arms and stomach like I was some model to be seen by the world.

They saw my cuts, my bruises and my burns. 

One of the nurses pursed her lips and shook her head in disgust.

I started to tear up.

Was that all I was?

Some freak who was covered in signs of weakness?

"No one else is going to see the photos, just us two" one of the nurses had said.

Biggest fucking lie I've ever heard.

Other nurses and counselors all saw them.

They made comments behind my back and to my face about my cuts.

"You have an addiction."

"You're going down the wrong path."

"How could she do that to herself?"

"She won't be able to wear shorts ever again."

"Hopefully she doesn't like revealing clothing."

"Jesus Christ..... what is wrong with her?"

"I feel bad for her parents."

"God, we have another one of these patients again?"