The Night I Tried To Leave

(I won't get into too much detail but here we go)

Sunday, December third, 2023.

Possibly one of the nights I'll remember forever.

That night I was in my room and had thoughts about running away, then cutting, then ending it.

I had ignored them at first, they would just pass until, they got worse.

These thoughts consumed my mind,

"What if we ran away? No one would find us and we could go peacefully."

"I look ugly as hell, I should exercise more."

"You ate too much today, you should starve yourself."

"You should just leave, who would care?"

**************

Long story short, that night I attempted. I won't say how or with what but I felt horrible and the thoughts just consumed me.

I ended up messaging a helpline for over a hour.

I still remember what they told me in that message:

"Look, I'm sorry but I hope that you can feel better. You've dealt with a lot and don't deserve to feel this pain. I'm happy you could reach out for help, but I do have to alert your local police department for a wellness check." 

That was the last message I got from the hotline.

I immediately panicked and sent more messages, begging the person on the other side of the messages to not. I begged them but I never got a message back. 

I immediately got extremely scared,

Are mom and dad gonna be mad? 

Am I gonna go to a mental hospital?

I don't wanna go to the ER.

How is everyone gonna see me after?

I started to cry before I pulled out my blade for the second time that night.