Shoot Me. Kill Me. Lie to Me. [KimChay AU]

Chapter 8

What have I done?

Porsche snorted as he knew that it's the most stupid question he asked himself. Because he's aware, he knows exactly what he did to his brother.

Porsche knew how he ignored and abandoned his brother after feeding him with all those lies.

Porsche isn't clueless, he knows what he did; and it's slowly eating him alive upon realizing that he's the reason why his brother fell deeply in agony and chose to leave, leaving this huge house that made him feel alone all these months.

And now he's the one being eaten alive by guilt. Demons screaming in his mind how he doesn't deserve his younger brother, but deserves to be left behind by Porchay. Voices whispering in his ear how he ruined and broke his brother.

And Porsche accepted them all, because he knew what he did to Porchay was worse than what these voices and Demons in his head are feeding him.

"Porsche, you need to eat." Kinn begged his boyfriend who hasn't been eating in days. All Porsche did was look out the window of their office where the whole entrance of the mansion is visible. Waiting and hoping to see his little brother walk in, greeting him with a full smile like he usually does before.

"Kinn?" Porsche mumbled "Do you think Porchay is mad at me?" he asked his boyfriend, he was sitting on a chair that he moved to face the huge window, his eyes glued at the main entrance as he talked to Kinn. "Do you think he hates me?" Who is he kidding; Porchay is surely mad at him.

Kinn sighed, the head of the main family not knowing how to answer his boyfriend's question. He moved closer to Porsche, carefully placed the tray of food on the table beside Porsche's chair and kneel down in front of Porsche. "Porsche." He started, his eyes looking at Porsche's sad and full of anguished orbs. "I wouldn't want to sugar coat anything, but with everything that we did to him..." he paused for a moment, letting out another sigh. "He might not be just mad at us. I know he hates us." Kinn softly rubs Porsche's knees upon hearing his boyfriend's sobs. "Porchay must've hated us more than the hate he felt with Kim for him to leave the mansion without any trace."

Porsche continued his sobs while listening to Kinn. Knowing Porchay; his little brother that he raised, hated him hurts deeply. Porsche not even once thought that he and his brother would reach this kind of destruction. "I really ruined him, didn't I?" He finally takes his eyes off of the entrance and looks at Kinn in front of him. "I thought I was doing him a favor. Kim hurt him so much."

"You know Porsche, what we failed to do is to ask him." Kinn stood up from kneeling and pulled Porsche closer to him for a hug, making Porsche bury his face on Kinn's stomach. "We didn't ask Porchay about him and Kim. We didn't ask him how he felt about Kim."

Porsche slowly nodded, remembering how he didn't really ask his brother about his history with Kim and what really happened. "And all I did was assumed." He mumbled between his sobs. "I assume he wanted Kim gone."

"Eat first, Porsche." Kinn offered him the tray of food that he brought. "Then we'll continue looking for Porchay."

But Porsche refused. He's been refusing food for the past few days, reasoning he doesn't have an appetite and Kinn could only sighed.

The following night Kinn woke up in the middle of the night with Porsche's cries and desperate sobs.

"Chay... Chay... Hia is sorry na"