I'm not writing it to get attention in fact idk why I'm writing it, I didn't eat much in the last month and I see myself getting skinnier so that's good but what's not is that no one fucking cares no body is even asking me if I'm okay like I don't even feel important and that makes me think that if I actually kill myself no one will care I don't matter to the point where people actually text me every single day so ig I can do that and no one will care plus I have a bday on February 4th and I wanna have a party but I don't think people are gonna show up and I don't wanna just sit there alone and cry but I do wanna do smt I just think it's the only day I can be a bit happy and I really want that because happiness and feeling wanted is not something I usually feel or have so I think that can be nice to have a celebration and also I went to a restaurant yesterday with my family and I ate because I had to and I felt so fucking bad I made myself throw up the second I got home i felt so bad because I ate so much and I don't wanna get fatter then I already am because if I can't be pretty at least I can have a good body I have acne but worse I have body acne my shoulder and back look terrible leaving the fact that I used to sh myself and have scars I always wear long sleeve and turtleneck so no one will see even if it's burning hot and I'm sweating my life but all of that doesn't matter because all I really want is someone to care about me someone to just be like hey how are you feeling and how did you sleep and just fucking care and I'm telling u now if no one will care then I don't have the energy to live and I'm getting the fuck out of this hell because I'm getting worse everyday and i don't know why the fuck I'm even trying
