Oh what I couldn't do to make you smile
I just can't see you hurt
But darling what's this feeling
Of falling deeper and deeper down
I'm not drowning
I'm falling
I don't think you can catch me
Cause on the other side
I'm the one trying to run behind you and grab your Shirt
Silently telling you
I still want to be with you despite all the pain we are causing each other
I'm falling in endless black
It's not darkness
But why am I seeing my tears flowing up
While I see your hand shoving me away
Why
Why
Why
WHY
WHY
All I wanted was to stay by your side
Even as a friend
Not someone in the background
With whom you play pretend
I try to crack through to see who you are
To help you up
While I'm still in unending fall
But I still am here
But I am a ghost right
I always become invisible
I'm a ghost even if I'm visible
Because I can hear you say
"I don't have anyone for me"
Yet eventually I try to accept it
Yet I try to be there the best way I can
Cause you were the safest anyone ever made me feel
And I wanted to do the same for you
Eventually the craze went too high maybe
To make you believe I won't give up on you
And yet you believe
Yet you compare my behaviour with those who did
While I still want to slap the fact that
"They're not here and I am"
That's the difference of the pattern
I try the level best to understand you
I move mountains inside me to accept you
But you shattered me with just once sentence
"You have a problem with the way I am"
And that's it
That's when I realise I didn't deserve That
I tried my best
I gave everything I ever could
Pushed myself past limits
Breaking them
You know what
I'm proud that
I could care that much
I could love that much
I could go that far
Thanks for making me realise that
Now I'll do what you say
"I'm a passerby"
I got over that sentence that hurt like hell
The sentence that I cried over a million tears inside
Facing the thoughts that crumbled me like paper meant to be thrown
"If you don't intend to stay, then walk away"
But I just smile and whisper to myself
"Yet you're here aren't you? Yet you go out of your way for me."
But the other side screams how
"You would leave me if I walk away"
While I would hold your hand and hug you tight
"You would accept it if we lost touch... because you already think of yourself as a passerby don't you?"
How long am I supposed to fight my thoughts
They say how you're a friend
And how you consider me as a passerby
A temporary chapter in your life
Because
I don't think you're a temporary chapter in my life but you think of it that way
It just means entirely different..
It just means you think I'm temporary in your life
And you're saying you're the one who is temporary in mine
I hated that sentence
I loathed it
And yet you said it many times
Despite me saying please don't call yourself that
It hurt a lot
Well now it doesn't anymore
I'm over that sentence
I am really
I'm indifferent to it
To you saying
"I am a passerby"
"I dont want to meet you"
When you put that idea that you too wanted to meet me
I thought you said it as a joke
How you would avoid meeting me if we were in same town
But a joke is never meant to be said thrice
And I cried
Never letting you know
And now I'm over that too
You can say both of those to me
"I don't want to meet you"
and I'd be
"Oh.... Okay sure"
Literally feeling nothing inside
Cause the pain that the sentence could cause; already was experienced and gone
What do you expect me to feel now from it?
" I don't want you to be there for me"
Boy that was a slap on the face
And I remember how you always used to say that to me
Yet I never stopped asking you to let me be there for you
Well hey bye another sentence that caused me pain
Hello emptiness of "how am I even supposed to react to that?"
I could go on and on about the sentences that hurt me and yet I stayed
Yet I never gave up
Yet I tried to understand what you're going through
What you mean
What it is to look through your eyes
I guess that's what love does to people right?
The constant battles in my head
About what I know and what I feel
What I interpret and what I see
I tried so hard for you
I formed myself so much for you
So that I could be there for you
But then
Came those words
"You have a problem with the way I am"
And then
From the girl who was in love with you
To the girl who tries her best not to
To the girl who is ready to be a passerby in your life
To the girl who just would be there in the background, fading in your view as she's a ghost, but always there
To the girl moving on
To the girl you're calling back
To the girl who is trying to fall in love naturally
Feels she did but realise that
A part of her isn't ready to let go yet
To a girl who just sits and receives...does nothing
While watching you go beyond the world for her
To the girl
Who is healing because of you, with you, by yoy
To the girl
Who doesn't know anything anymore
Just wishes to be in your presence is all
YOU ARE READING
Through the Glimpses of Him
PoetryHey to all that already know me! It's not exactly a poetry book but scribbling in my mind, I have never really wrote stuff like this so it's my first time. That's all.. I don't write it for him I write it for me The thoughts swirling inside my head...
