Through the Glimpses of Him

Random

Sometimes I wonder what it's like if we aren't together. What it would be like if he suddenly wants to break up with me

I don't know why my mind thought that. Maybe cause I want new experience or something? But then I realised that no
It's because I always had an habit of preparing myself for worst. My own mind had that habit of it

I really try to show that I value him
I really do. Well not always cause I just yknow, focus on being with him and smiling and laughing, thinking or being delusional that maybe my smile gives him a lot of happiness and he would smile too, kind of like in movies
Guess what?
Minus the movies part, he is like that
He's perfect
And well
A Girl
So yeah
xD

Anyways, back to the thought that he saying he doesn't want to be with me, he wants to break up

Yeah we all have imagined that must feel worse like something's eating you from the inside or how someone just stabbed a whole in your heart and cuts it in million on pieces, crushing them beneath their feet
Yeahhhhhh
That's more like when it's a fight and that too we both feel bad about the fight and we both don't blame the other, for the most parts but instead blame ourselves. That's more for when I see him hurt and I couldn't do anything about it. That's what that feels like

I have no clue how him saying he doesn't want to be with me would feel like you know... I don't know but when I imagined it........
It would feel like a missile just pierced through where your heart was, leaving a big hole in your body as you stare blankly, everything blackens and becomes grey, all the colours drain from your life then and there. No reason to do anything. You couldn't walk, but are walking like an empty vessel and the only sense of control that you have, you'll use that to come right infront of a truck because the hit of that will kill you, but during that brief time of hit, the hurt would compare nothing to what him saying that would do

Because he doesn't want to be with you anymore
And it won't be because "boys are like that"
It's because you left nothing in him anymore
You pushed him far from his breaking point anyone could imagine

You put him through not world of pain that he is used to but universe or anything above universe of pain, and he eats all of it inside to keep you happy but you're so clueless of everything that you do and so oblivious that it's beyond hurting. It's beyond numbness

You pushed him there

And that hurts you more than his decision to not be in your life anymore, at least at that moment. The decision hurt would come later ofc,
It'll be like hands from the sea you love swimming in, coming from the depths of ocean and pulling and killing your by their force, pulling you down as you struggle to loosen or relax but not fight back cause your heart is hurting and wants the person back but you're helpless and it's your fault

Yeah
Anyways
I better go
I'm good :)
After all
This is just the imaginary world