TW depression
simon woke up with that familiar pit in his stomach, the pit that told him it was going to be one of those days. the type of day where he couldn't bring himself to do anything but lay in bed and stare at the wall in front of him. he held his eyes closed for a moment hoping it would go away if he wished hard enough. it didn't.
he opened his eyes regretfully to be reminded that he wasn't in his bed own at all. he sighed deeply and rolled over hoping to find harry asleep next to him but was only met with cold sheets that reminded him how harry had told him last night that he would be heading out for golf in the morning. simon sighed again. he sluggishly reached for his boyfriends pillow and held it close to him, hoping the smell would be enough to settle the pit for a moment.
it was silent. he couldn't hear the wind outside, no birds, not even some distant traffic. this was one of the moments he wished harry didn't live in an expensive flat with walls that could actually hold sound. he would do anything to listen to a neighbours tv through the wall, a dog barking, anything. he squeezed his eyes shut and tried to will himself to do something. he couldn't.
he leant further into harry's pillow and tried to think about what harry was doing. maybe he was trying out that new club he just got, maybe he took his glasses with him, maybe he's playing the best game he's ever had. simon thought about how his boyfriend looked with a smile on his face and the tightness in his chest gave in for a moment. just a moment. he tried to keep his focus on harry.
-
simon wasn't sure how long he'd be awake and doing nothing, maybe hours. he was still laying there, his face smushed in harry's pillow and his brain ticking away like a bomb. between the self hatred and the looming dread his mind managed to flicker back to his boyfriend.
harry knew about simon's bad days, of course, he'd helped simon through multiple of them but it'd been so long since his last one that simon didn't really think he got bad days anymore. he thought they'd finally stopped. simon wondered if harry thought the bad days had stopped as well? they hadn't really spoken about it but there was a point in time where bad days were common enough that harry had expected them when he came home sometimes. simon wondered if harry had stopped expecting them.
the lock clicked and simon tensed. he held his breath.
'i'm home!' harry announced to the quiet flat as he shut the door behind him. 'minter?'
harry discarded his clubs and keys in the hallway and simon was still holding his breath. he was now certain that harry was not expecting a bad day. he sounded so light and carefree. simon's chest burnt with guilt. he couldn't move. he heard harry check each room for him before approaching the bedroom whilst muttering 'are you still asleep?' in an endearing tone. simon could only watch the door in anticipation.
the door clicked open silently, harry assuming simon was still asleep and not wanting to wake him, and then their eyes met. it must've been obvious because the small smile dropped from harry's face instantly.
'oh, darling.' harry's soft, apologetic voice made the back of simon's eyes sting as he watched his boyfriend hastily toe his shoes off and drop his coat to the floor before making his way to simon and giving him a loving kiss on the side of his head. he kept his soft tone and ran his hand through simon's hair. 'come here.'
simon scooted over in the bed and harry climbed in next to him, wrapping himself around the other man. 'i've got you, simon.'
simon's throat stung as he held harry back tighter. 'i'm sorry.' he barely pushed out a mumble into harry's chest and harry pulled back gently to meet his lovers eyes.
'don't you dare apologise.' harry cupped simons face and stroked his cheek lightly with his thumb. 'you have nothing to be sorry for.' he dropped a kiss on simon's forehead and held his face, scanning it.
simon was clutching harry's side, wondering how he could possibly be lucky enough to be loved so much by harry. loved enough that he'd stay by him through these days. he couldn't do anything, only look into harry's eyes and hope he knew how much he loved him. harry kissed his forehead again.
'i'm gonna go make you some tea and toast, you don't have to touch it, okay? i will be right back.' he waited for simon's grip on him to loosed before he made an effort to move. he wouldn't leave if simon needed him to stay. simon nodded slightly and harry squeezed his hand before making his way to the kitchen.
simon spent the few minutes harry was in the kitchen watching the door and waiting for him to return. hearing harry drop the milk lid on the floor and cuss at it almost brought a smile to simon's face.
harry returned with toast and two teas, one made in simon's favourite mug. he placed everything down on the bedside table and turned to then cupboard, pulling out some extra pillows, a fluffy blanket and a rouge soft toy that he'd kept from a video.
harry gave himself a new pillow (simon was still holding his usual one hostage) and placed the rest of the pillows around simon's back, making him a protective fort from the outside world. the fluffy blanket was placed over simon and the fort and then the soft toy went between them. simon watched harry faff around and the pit was overthrown for another moment by the ache in his chest that told him he would never love anyone the way he loved harry.
harry was still looking around the room to see if there was anything else they needed when simon reached his arm out for him. harry came to the bed immediately and held his hand.
'what do you need?' harry swung their outstretched arms slightly and waited patiently for simon's request. simon didn't respond for awhile, working himself up to talking.
'just want you.' he tugged harry's hand lightly and harry dropped himself softly into the bed, once again making his way to simon and holding him tightly.
'you've got me.' harry whispered into the top of simon's head and simon hummed in response. harry put his face in his lovers hair a hid another kiss there.
-
they stayed in bed together for hours. it wasn't until after the sun has set that simon could will himself to move. they showered together and relocated to cuddle on the sofa. harry told simon that he was proud of him and simon could only smile back dumbly in response.
they eventually made their way back to bed and simon excused himself for a moment to thank whatever was out there for bringing harry to him. the two men held each other through the night.
simon woke first the following morning and found that the pit was gone. he watched harry sleep for a few minutes before dragging himself away to make his boyfriend a deserved breakfast in bed.
—
thanks for reading <3 comments appreciated as always!
whilst you're here... sidemen writers ! i was thinking of making a discord server for us to bounce ideas off, beta read, help with writing, talk about ships etc. would this interest any of you guys? let me know!
