The Death of Her

Choosing Sides

   Trigger warning!!!!! ⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️
Child Abuse

My bad cycle with men started early I think. At the age of 3 I was touched... By a family friend. I still remember it, although I don't know his face. Just his disgusting voice. It only happened once and I was lucky I accidentally told my mother. From then on I was attached to my parents. I would hide behind my mother or gravitate towards my dad growing up.

   After that I didn't like boys until I was 9. His name was Eli, and he had been my best friend for the entire year. When he asked me to be his girlfriend I was happy. We held hands and obviously it wasn't that serious, but when you're that young it's the best thing in the world. Then I learned he was dating my best friend Camille. It stung to say the least, I was so mad at both of them, that I kicked them both at recess.

The cycle continued, I was always getting thrown away. I guess I was a magnet for crappy people. I was nice and loyal and I think that made me vulnerable to users. Part of it was my fault, I chose to love them and only see the good parts.

  Andrew grew up with two brothers. His older brother Brad was from a previous marriage and Andrew looked up to him. Brad ended up being a cop in town and Andrew cherished their time together. Andrew's little brother, Kent came from the same mother as him and they were never really close. It was hard to be close when Andrew hardly showed his emotions.

   At the age of six Andrew was at the house his dad was working on, when he decided to get a hold of paste or some sort. His dad wasn't watching and Andrew decided to eat it, he didn't die but his taste buds did. Andrew had lots of stories like this. It broke me inside to know his parents didn't care for him and his brothers.

  The first time I came over, I scanned the house and I saw two cases of beer already broke into. The mantels were barely covered with photos. The only photos were of Andrew holding a baseball trophy and some similar ones of his brothers. Nothing too personal, just pictures of accomplishments.

  The more I came over the more I seen beer and competition. Andrew loved to be the center of attention, to be accomplished in everything he did. As long as he was doing better than his brothers he didn't care. Holidays at the Sanders household were the same way. It seemed weird to me that they would always talk about what they accomplished. No how have you been or even proper hellos.
   
  Thanksgiving was more about buy up all the stuff then actually being thankful. I hated it for Andrew and I somehow became his safe person. I was the only one who knew him, the real him. He was funny, he took care of people, and could whip up a good burger. He loved to make wood furniture including the end table he made me for our anniversary. He always loved watching documentaries on history and spoke passionately of it.

   Andrew had many sides, the one that I didn't care for was his anger. There were many instances that he lost his cool. Once being when we were at a party and a man put his hands on a woman. The second when we were play fighting and I accidentally hit him in the face. He rose his fist going to hit me and quickly turned his focus to the wall and punch a hole through it.

  His anger rules over him on some days, he would pick fights with his little brother and his mother. Those were the days I would shut down and stay in his room reading. Escaping the reality around me. I never liked confrontation. When he got like that, we would take a walk and talk it out. Andrew was heavily guarded around others, but with me he could be the real him.

Was that the real Andrew?

THREE WEEKS AFTER THE WEDDING

  Three weeks had past and so was our honeymoon phase. Tension had rose in the house over chores. My sister Carrie was pissed that Andrew didn't take out the trash like he was supposed to. She wanted me to say something, but I had chosen to not take sides. Andrew was the type of person, where if you nagged him to do something he wouldn’t.

  Those past few weeks I had done his chore for him and went on. I was the type of person, where if something didn't get done I would do it my damn self. I hated conflict and never liked to get in the middle of it. So when the tip of the iceberg happened, I didn't know what to do. Andrew left flooring in Carrie's room and told her he would take it to the garage multiple times. It had yet to happen and she tripped over the stack of it. Needless to say she was done.

   It ended in a big blow out. My uncle kyle stepped in to talk to Andrew, man to man. It was no use, Andrew didn't let him finish before he hung up. That was the absolute worst thing to do. My uncle Kyle hated when someone did that. Minutes later he showed up at the house and things got crazy. They were shouting at each other and it got to the point that I stepped in before they started to kill each other. Not literally but it was scary having to step in. I told my uncle to leave and he did without a word, but if looks could kill… Hours later she moved out. “That was way too far!” I told him and he just rolled his eyes.

  “Whatever Britt I'm heading to bed.” He stomped his way to our room and I just sat there. What else was there to do. I was overwhelmed and had to process what happened.

  I was all alone in the house with him and I was sad to see Carrie leave.She was not only my sister but my friend for life. It was weeks before she talked to me again. It was the loneliest I've ever felt. I know I should be happy not to have chaos in the house for once but Carrie was my person. She had been through everything with me. Even when our parents divorced, she was there.

   Anytime I needed to vent she was there. When I needed to be stuck up for, she was there. I would die for her and she would do the same for me. We fought some but not like our other friends and their siblings. Our bond was unbreakable and I just betrayed her. I chose a side without even thinking...

   It took two long weeks to hear from her again. It wasn't long before she invited me to get food. That was our way of saying sorry. When she picked me up I instantly felt at ease. " I'm sorry about everything, I missed you."

   Carrie shook her head smiling ,"sure you are asshole."

   After that things rotated back to normal. I would go out with Carrie on weekends, since Andrew wanted to play his new game and we all acted like nothing happened. I would read on the bed and watch Andrew play and I was content. I would cook and clean, he would play. I worked the night shift and he was on days. We payed the bills together and went out on midnight trips to Walmart. Just playing Marco Polo with his friend Cole.

  We took walks, we took naps, we loved our little life. So where did it go so wrong?

AUTHOR'S NOTE: I hope you are enjoying this so far. I work a full-time job so I'm trying to update as much as I can. Thank you for your patience 💗