Crisom Thread

Chapter 8 - Any more

Kris' POV

As I drove away to the city, the only thing on my mind was him.... I didn't want to leave Tao but I promised Lina that I would see her tonight. If I don't, she might show up at my house again. 'Tao', I've been saying his name over and over again to myself, so many things come to mind when I think about him, about what we just did. Hearing his moans, touching his skin, kissing his lips and doing all of that was..... gosh I don't even know how to describe it. It was hard to control myself because it hadn't been enough for me. I wanted to claim him as mine but he had barely begun to recover from his fall. Why can't I get ahold of myself when we're together? If only, he knew the effect that he has on me. One look from him can make me mad, happy, sad even aroused! It's crazy! I was so scared when he fell down from Clover, the thought of losing him or seeing him hurt in any way is like feeling a knife stabbing in to my heart but then at that moment, guilt had slapped me in the face, I've been the one hurting him in the past days. 

I keep changing what I want from him.... I can't love two people. That'd be plain selfish.... What should I do? Lina and I have been together for two years now. When we first met, there was such a raw attraction between us. We had sex the very first night we went out and since then my passion for her hasn't diminished until.... "Tao..." I said out loud. The first time I saw him sleeping in my bed, a strange feeling spread in my heart. Warm and sweet, like the taste of candy on my tongue except this feeling was in my heart. I couldn't understand it. I tried to fight myself, thinking that he meant nothing to me, reminding myself that I had Lina. I found any excuse to dislike him, to erase that fluttering feeling, but everything that I tried to use as an excuse to keep him at arms length just became another reason for me to like him even more. 

He's kind to everyone in my family, we share the same thoughts about family coming first. He treats everybody with respect, Mrs. Fang is always commenting on how well he treats her and the rest of the staff. When he looks at me or stares at me, it's as if I'm baring my soul to him, it's like he knows me better than anyone else and that scares me because I feel vulnerable. I've thought about what would happen if he doesn't like me. What if he rejects the real me? I'm not good for him.... I should've stopped myself from kissing him and touching him but I was just so jealous of Anton. Tao can't look at anyone else the way he looks at me, I won't allow it! 

"Shit! I keep screwing things up!" I rubbed my temple, trying to clear my mind; everything seems to be upside down now...the question is Lina or Tao? and I can't choose... 

Author's POV 

Kris turned off his car's engine; he finally reached the apartment building that his lover was staying in. Lina was anxiously waiting for the blonde in her apartment. She paced about the living room, he had promised to visit her that night but she'd been feeling uneasy about their relationship. Showing up at his party that night had been a huge mistake. "Kris!" she exclaimed, jumping into his arms when the door to her apartment opened. She quickly kissed him and he kissed her back but it was for a brief moment. The taste of the cigarette she had been smoking lingered in her mouth and for the first time, he didn't like the taste.

"I thought you wouldn't come." 

"But I promised to see you." She smirked and lower her hand to touch his covered manhood. "I want you Krissy....." The blonde remembered all the times he had, without hesitation, took her right there in the doorway of her apartment after she had said something like that. But tonight was different. 

"Lina... not now. I'm kind of tired. Could we have a nice dinner and talk for awhile?" the blonde wanted to make a connection with her and not just at a sexual level. 

"What?" she asked, starting to laugh cynically, "Do you want to cuddle too?" The tone of her voice was so sarcastic that in some way, it hurt Kris' feelings. "Is something wrong with that?" he said, with an annoyed tone of voice.