Adventures in an alternate dimension

Chapter 47 - Jackson

**Trigger Warning: Mental Health Struggle**

My dearest Ashlynn,

Writing this letter feels strange, like trying to tie a bow with one hand. It's awkward, a little messy, but hopefully, the sentiment shines through. As you know, things haven't been easy lately. This "darkness," as Mom used to call it, has been clawing at me again, and this time, it sunk its teeth in deep.

Remember how I used to joke about being "moody"? Well, those moods were just the tip of the iceberg, the colorful surface of a much deeper ocean. It's an ocean of swirling emotions, Ash, highs that feel like riding a comet, lows that drag me down into crushing emptiness. It's called bipolar disorder, a fancy term for a messy reality.

It wasn't always this bad. You were there, remember? My little shadow, always tagging along, giggling at my jokes, making me feel like a superhero. You were my anchor, my reminder that even in the darkest corners, there was light. But somewhere along the way, the tide shifted. The highs got higher, the lows got lower, and the spaces in between shrunk.

I tried, Ash, I really did. Therapy, meds, the whole nine yards. But sometimes, the darkness feels like a living thing, a monster I can't outrun. It clouds my judgment, whispers lies, and makes me believe things that aren't true. It's scary, Ash, being trapped in your own mind, feeling like a stranger in your own body.

That's why I'm here, in this psych facility. It's not a prison, not exactly. It's more like a... a lighthouse, I guess. A place where they can help me navigate the storm, understand the monster, and find my way back to myself. It's not easy, but it's necessary.

I know you might be worried, and I hate that. You deserve a brother who's strong, who can be your rock. But right now, I need to be my own rock first. I need to learn how to manage this darkness, not let it manage me.

Please, Ashlynn, don't think of this as me giving up. It's the opposite. It's me fighting, clawing my way back to the light, back to you. And when I do, I promise, I'll be a better brother, a stronger friend. I'll be the person you deserve, the person I know I can be.

Until then, know that I love you. More than words can say. You're the sun that peeks through the storm clouds, the tiny voice that reminds me there's still good in the world. Hold onto that light, Ash, and never let it go. And one day, soon, I'll be there beside you, shining just as bright.

With all my love,

Your big (messy, but determined) brother,

Jackson.

P.S. If you ever want to talk, truly talk, I'm here. Write to me, call me, even send carrier pigeons. Just know, I'm always here for you, just like you've always been there for me.

Ashlynn's POV

Jackson's letter hit me like a wave, pulling me under with its raw honesty and then depositing me gently back on the shore, changed. The lighthouse metaphor resonated deeply. I'd always seen him as my own personal sun, his smile warm and bright, but this letter revealed the storm he'd been battling all along.

Tears blurred the words as I reread the sentence about the "darkness whispering lies." It explained so much. The sudden mood swings, the silences that stretched for days, the way his eyes sometimes seemed lost at sea. It wasn't him, not entirely. It was this monster he was fighting.

Anger flared, hot and fierce, at the unfairness of it all. Why him? Why this burden he had to shoulder alone? But then, shame washed over me. How self-absorbed had I been, focused only on my own needs, oblivious to the storm raging inside him?