A Little Death

XXIX

TW: Self harm

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She's still not here, it's been an hour since I left her on the roof. I walk to her door and pick the lock. The door swings open. All the lights are off, except for the faint glow from the closed bathroom door. That's where she must be. I walk to the bathroom, but she's not there. I open the door to the bedroom and she's lying on the bed. She sits up when she sees me. She doesn't react to me, just looks down and starts picking on the palm of her hands. I walk towards her and she doesn't seem to mind. She's cradling her arm.

I take out the white napkin with chloroform on it and put it to her nose. She doesn't resist. Just falls limp in my arms when I pick her up and take her down. I look up the address she sent me the second night we met. The first time we fought together. The little cabin in the woods. 

I put her in my car, in the backseat, and start driving. It doesn't take that long to get there. About 15 minutes. I carry her out. She's still passed out. 

Some peace, finally.

I walk to the wood cabin and take a seat, her head on my lap. I start playing with her hands, waiting for her to gain consciousness. I pick one of them up and the loose sleeve of her top falls back, revealing a few cuts, but they don't look like she got them fighting. In fact, they're fresh and red. There's some dried blood on one of them. There are some old scars to, far back on her hand. Horizontal and diagonal cuts that look like they were done intentionally.

What has she been doing?

She opens her eyes slowly and looks at my arm in her hand and she takes it back slowly and sits up, leaning on me. She puts her head on my shoulder.

'I'm sorry.'

'It's okay.'

'No, I should have believed you. I should've trusted you.'

'That's true, but it's over.'

'It won't happen again. I'm sorry.'

'I know it won't.' 

'I'm sorry.'

'It's fine, Skyler. It's all gonna be okay.' I wrap my arms around her to comfort her.

'It's gonna be okay.' She bites her lip in thought.

'I'm sorry.'

'We can forget about this, Skyler. We can pretend this never happened. It's over now and we don't have to think about it.'

'No, I did something bad. I don't deserve to forget about it.'

'Skyler, shut the fuck up.' She stops talking and puts her legs up on the bench. We sit there for a while, silent.

'If you ever do that to yourself again, I'm gonna beat the shit out of you.' She nods.

'Do you wanna go home?'

'No.'

'It's getting cold, you wanna go sit in the car?' She nods. I don't know what she's thinking about, but she looks miserable. We walk to the car and she sits in the passenger seat. I sit in the driver's seat. I turn on the heater. 

'I'm sorry.' 

'Come here.' She climbs over the gears and hand break over to me. She climbs on my thighs and sits on them, facing me. I cup her face in my hands.

'If you say that one more time, I will slap you.'

Her lips tremble, she looks away. I grab her face and turn it right back to me.

'There's nothing interesting out there.' I pull her face towards me and kiss her.

I grab her thighs and pull her closer. A tear rolls down her cheeks.

Skyler's POV

He kisses me. Gently, this time. His hands move up and down my body, before halting at my hips and closing the tiny distance between us so that our bodies are presses together.

I know he saw my scars. He threatened to beat me up if I ever do it again. I never wanted to start doing this again, but it's the only coping mechanism I know. It's the only thing that helps me escape the mental pain. It's relief, even if it's temporary. I can't help a tear slipping my eye. I don't want to enter that phase of my life again.

He pulls away and stares into my eyes, they're swirling. They almost look like they're darkening.

'I'm sorry.' I barely manage out the words. He slaps me. It hurts, it stings a lot. I feel my cheek heating up. 'Fuck you.' I cry into his chest. 

He grins. 'That's Skyler. The real Skyler, the original Skyler.' I smile, contrasting with my unstoppable tears. 'I hate you.' I say.

He hugs me. 'I hate you too, I hate you with all my heart.'

'Joshua, let's go home...' I climb off him and sit in the passenger seat. He drives back to our building. 

I finally feel like I'm breathing again. Just being in his presence. I feel more wanted. 

He parks the car and we go up to our apartment. I don't bother unlocking mine, I just go into his and find something from his closet to wear. I decide on one of his hoodies and some shorts. I really need to change, the cabin was dusty.

The room is dark, all the lights are turned off except for a really faint glow. I go to sit with him on his bed. He's on his phone, but puts it down when I sit next to him.

'I missed you.' I say, he pulls me up to make me sit on his lap facing him.

I put my head on his shoulder and relax, feeling the cool breeze from the window hit my face.

He wraps some of my hair around his finger and pushes some back from my face.

'I missed you too, Skye.' He kisses me on the forehead. I clench his back and hoodie, it's warm. He puts his hand to the back of my head.

'You're falling in love with me, aren't you?' I mock him.

'Bold of you to say that. Don't you remember how vulnerable you are with me?'

'That's not true.' He smiles against my neck and sucks hard on it's skin, making me gasp.

'Does that convince you?' He stops sucking on my skin and traces the bottom of my jaw with his finger. He smirks at my speechlessness. I look down at my palm, bleeding from me picking on it. He sees it too, he looks back up and I try to avoid his pissed off face. He's pissed off at me because I hurt myself. He cares. He actually cares. 

'You need to stop doing that.' His large hands rub mine, it hurts a little, they're pretty rough, but at the same time it's comforting. I can't help looking in his eyes as he does it. I wish I could look into them all day. They're deep, they look like they go miles in, every single nanometer textured differently. It's like looking into a blue-gray galaxy. He notices I'm staring at him and looks up, making eye contact. I see my reflection in his eyes.

I put my hand under his earlobe and plant a tiny kiss on his lips.

'Maybe I am falling.' He cups my face in his hands.

'Maybe I am too.' I plant a kiss on his lips. He pulls me back for more while I feel his hands exploring my body. I move my hands to his neck, pulling him closer.

'God, I love you.' He pulls away.

'Same.' He raises an eyebrow at me. 

'Fiiine, ailuhyewtoo.' I admit.

'You what?' He smirks at me.

'aii-luhyewtu.' He smile and pushes me to the bed, and I can see him sit above me in the dark. 'You what?'

'I love- you too.'

'Good girl.' He smiles and takes me in his arms, pulling the covers over and turning the lights off.

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Author's note: Hello peopleee
I see that I'm getting more readers everyday.

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Bye bye <3