A Little Death

XXXII

I'm tired of crying. It's all I've been doing lately. Crying all day. I haven't even been sleeping properly. Joshua is probably tired of it too. He's been comforting me all this while, holding me while I rant in tears.

I get up to cook our breakfast. 

At least I'm still being helpful. I've been cleaning and cooking, like before. 

Kristin has rigged the cameras and trackers up to give Clarisse a normal feed. I flip the eggs on the pan. 

Joshua walks into the kitchen, yawning. He looks at me cooking and walks towards me. 'Feeling any better?' He hugs me, wrapping both his arms around me and smelling my hair, putting his chin on top of my head. 'Yeah.' I put the food on a plate. He takes it and starts digging in. He swallows a bite.

'Where's yours?' He points a fork at me.

'I'm not hungry.' 

'Do I have to take care of everything about you, Skye? At least eat some cereal.'

'No, I really don't feel like eating right now.' He frowns at me, then continues eating. 

He keeps nudging me to eat, while I clean the house and he checks on the video feed Clarisse has access to. Sometime in the evening, he tells me to eat again.

He grabs both my shoulders and shakes me. 'All I've seen you eating today is half a granola bar and drinking lot of water.' I don't know how to explain it, I just can't seem to feel hungry. He gets up and goes to the fridge. He comes back with a Gatorade in his hands, he gives it to me. 'Drink this. Quickly.' I open the cap and take a sip. I drink some more, enjoying the cold, sweet liquid going down my throat. 

'You're gonna need the energy.' I put the drink down, almost spitting it out. He laughs at me and I gulp before I spit it all out. 'Fuck you.'

'Fuck you too.' He smiles, kissing my forehead before he goes to the kitchen and gets me an apple. I bite on it, while he watches me. 

'At least I made you eat.' I scoot closer to him. He puts his arm around my shoulder. I feel secure. I feel wanted. I feel needed. I feel like I'm important to someone. I feel something. I get on my knees on our couch, towering over him, holding his face as he looks up at me with eyes staring into mine.

I don't ever want to leave this moment. I lean down to kiss him. It feels fucking amazing. I don't want to leave this kiss. I don't want to go back to life. I don't want to feel everything around me. He grabs my waist, tracing small circles on the side of it. 

I kiss him even harder, I feel like I'm floating. That's how he makes me feel. He puts one hand to the side of my face, tucking my hair behind my ear. I close my eyes. 

My fingers climb his sculpted body and rest on his broad shoulders. He holds the side of my face.

Joshua's POV

She's clouding all my senses. 

I feel her touch my skin, on my face, her waist and her face fit perfectly into my hands, like it was designed for them.

I see her even when my eyes are closed, those beautiful hazel eyes, looking at me. Her beautiful smiles, that are mostly only sarcastic, but stunning nevertheless. 

I smell her perfume right now. I can smell it even when she isn't near me, my hoodies hinted with her smell even after I wash them.

I can taste her on my lips. Always. I can't ever forget it, hours after we kiss. Not that I want to, I'd choose to never let it leave my mouth.

I hear her moans in my ear, even when she's sitting, acting like an angel, I hear the unforgettable nights with her when she lets her pleasure known.

I love it. I want it to be all I can feel. Forever. I didn't know a person could feel like this. I didn't know a girl could do this to me.

But she's not just a girl. She's everything. She's mine. She's all I've ever wanted, all I'll ever need. I couldn't ask for anything more as long as she's here forever.

She's been crying so much lately, I'm happy she's better, even if it's just a little. I know I can make her feel better. I'll do it as long as I can. As long as she can get through all of this herself.

But I don't want her to stop needing me. Because I need her. I need her to stay in touch with reality. I need her to keep me in control. I need her because I love her.

She pulls away, settling down on my legs. I want her to need me as much as I need her. I know she does. That's why she's different.

She's falling just as much as I am.

She's in love with me just as much as I am in love with her.

She needs me as much as I need her.

Is our relationship healthy? Hell no.

Will we stop? Hell no.

'You're mine.' I tell her.

'I'm yours.' She responds, looking into my eyes. She stretches her face up, towards me. I put my head against hers. Our foreheads and noses touching. She clenches my hoodie in her hands.

I feel my marks on her skin and she flinches a little as I touch her neck, blue from my hands and her face, still a little red from the side. She drops her face, pushing my hand away.

'That still hurts.' 

I run my hands over her body, as she looks up at me, wide-eyed. I explore her skin. Her thighs, that double in size when she sits down. I can't keep count of how many times I've imagined feeling every little inch. Her stomach's soft skin and up to her collarbone, the bones visible. I can find the red marks from me everywhere on her.

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Author's Note: Hello peopless~

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