A Little Death

XXVIII

'You should come with a warning label.' She laughs in an annoying high-pitched squeaky laughter that sounds like a rat dying. 

I feel Joshua's hand on my thigh. He doesn't know he's just stopped me from stabbing his ex-girlfriend's eyes out. Or maybe he does. Maybe that's why he did it. 

'Anyways, we'll be leaving now.' Uncle Milos gets up. Celia thanks Dad and shakes our hands. Finally, she goes up to Joshua and opens her arms for a hug. But Joshua looks at her, disgusted. He shakes her hand and she turns around to leave. I try not to smile as she looks disappointed and I can tell by Uncle Milos' face that they're probably gonna fight as soon as they reach home.

'Good night, Dad.' I make my way to the elevator to go home. Joshua comes in after me. He presses the button for the terrace. The doors open on the 95th floor and I get out, but he grabs me. I fight him as he pins my arms behind me and drags me out to the terrace.

I try to drive my elbow into his stomach, but my hands are tied tight with rope behind my back and my legs are caught between his's. The terrace is empty, obviously. I struggle but give up eventually and tears spill out of my eyes. 

'Leave me alone.' I cry, eyes getting wet. 'Please.' I'm sobbing really hard, but he won't let go of me.

'Skyler, you need to listen to me.' I scream for help. He clamps a hand over my mouth, muffling my screams. I finally go limp and let myself collapse, knees dropping to the ground. I tilt my head back and rest it against the cement railing.

'Good girl.' I kick at him. 'I take it back now.' I kick again.

'Skyler, you need to listen to me.' He takes out the undergarment that was on the floor that day. I feel the urge to throw up and cry at the same time. He turns them around and I see the tag still on them. 'I was gonna wait until I find whoever did this until I told you, but I couldn't. This is proof I was framed.' He sighs. 'I'm not gonna force you to believe me.' I raise my eyebrow at him. 'Yeah, yeah. I just wanted you to listen to me. Skye, I would NEVER cheat on you. NEVER. I like you more than I've ever liked anyone before. I don't care how you feel about it, but you are NOT leaving my life, I can't afford that. I don't care if anyone disapproves. Hell, I don't care if you do. If you don't stay with me voluntarily, I will kidnap you and keep you locked up in my fucking house, but you are not going anywhere away from me.' He slowly unties my hands and removes his hands from my mouth. He picks me off the ground. I scratch the back of his neck from the little energy I have. I can see he's annoyed.

'I'll get you myself if you don't come to my apartment.' He gets up and walks to the lift, leaving me standing there out of breath and feeling like shit. I fall to the floor again on all fours. The uneven, rocky, uncleaned terrace scratches my knees and elbows while I whimper my lungs out. 

So he didn't cheat. I wanted that to be true, and it is. So why do I feel like everything just got worse?

I need a break. I need a break from everything. I need it all to stop. I pick myself off the ground and walk to the lift with blood and dirt on my knees. The pain is nothing in comparison to what my brain feels right now. I enter the lift and go to my floor. I enter the apartment and go straight to the bath tub. The lukewarm water stings the cuts on my elbows and knees. 

I didn't trust him, but I did. I knew he wouldn't cheat on me, but I thought he did. I didn't want to believe it. I had been running away from if it was true or not. I felt hurt. And it's my mistake. It's been my mistake all along. I should have believed him. I'm the problem.

I know there's people who want my neck, people who want his. They don't need a reason to mess things up for us. Why did I assume it wasn't them? 

But not many people know we're dating.

That we were dating.

I feel stupid. I feel arrogant. I feel like a selfish piece of shit.

I don't know what to feel. 

I feel numb, but I feel excruciating pain.

I should've known. 

My senses and skills are going down. My logic is blunt. 

I'm the problem.

I don't want to feel like this. It's too much, it's overwhelming.