your favourite loser

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hello god, it's me again
your favourite loser, a forever disdain.

why did you make me like this
why did me so bad
everything i do or done
feels like one more big regret.

i wish you made me strong enough
to let go the memories
that cripple me every night.
why made me so positive
that now their looks nothing but a dark sight.
Why?

i wish you made me content enough
so I did not have to look for them
when i'm surrounded by a crowd.
why made me so merciful
that i'm slitting My wrists
to quench their thirsts.

i wish you made me pragmatic enough
to accept that other are better than best.
why made me so fixated on her
that I can't see any good in the rest.

i wish you made me receptive enough
to accept that life holds happiness for me
because no matter how close or far I look
I just can't see.

you made me so hopeless, how do I live now?
if it's still not the end, tell me to survive how.

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