Silent Tears

Chapter Eleven

Nikki's POV

TRIGGER WARNINGS: intrusive thoughts, suicide

I stood on top of my apartment complex building, staring at the ground a good three hundred feet off the ground. If I jumped I would land in an alleyway, and probably not be found for at least several hours until some thugs decided to push someone away from the street to mug them.

You know this is what you deserve.

Just do it.

Jump.

Tears  started falling down my cheeks. Great, the first time I can physically cry in over a year, and it's right before I'm about to die.

It'll feel so good to finally be able to let go of everything.

You've imposed enough.

It's better to end it all now before you cause more trouble for everyone.

They don't want you anyways.

They'll be glad you're gone.

All you do is cause problems.

"Shut up..." I was half-heartedly trying to fight the thoughts, but I still inched closer and closer to the edge.

Since when had I been this bad? I always knew I wasn't super great mentally but...when had I been pushed this far? Had it been forcing myself to seem okay at the tower for so long? Had it been the constant string of lies I had fed the others? The ones that they hadn't even questioned for a moment?

Stop thinking.

Just jump.

So I did. I stepped off the roof.

I was falling.

Falling...

Falling...

Falling...

And then I wasn't.

Everything was dark.

I hadn't felt the impact of hitting the cement.

I simply felt like I was floating.

Was I dead?

Did I die somewhere along the fall?

Please tell me I succeeded...

I felt myself lay down on something, maybe my body finally hitting the ground after my soul left it.

"...lo? Are you alright? Can you hear me? Please...please tell me you're alive..."

Of course you couldn't succeed.

Failure.

Worthless.

Weak.

I shifted my head around slightly, turning it so that it faced the opposite direction, away from the voice.

"Oh my gosh you're alive thank the stars...hold on for just a minute I'm gonna call someone. Hold on, please."

And then I passed out. Again.

********

"...onna make it." I knew that voice. Where do I know it from? Why is everything dark? Why can't I move?

"Thanks for looking at her...promise me you'll get me if she wakes up." I knew that voice too...who's voice is that?

I forced my eyes open slowly,  blinding myself with the light blaring right into my eyes. There were a few people in the room, but my vision was blurry so I couldn't make out who. One of them turned towards me, and noticing my open eyes, walked next to my bedside.