Chapa x yn

Chp 19

Letter to my 13 year old self-laufey
Yn pov
Week later

Nothing much has happened. Fuckshit keeps calling and texting me. I had to block him. Chapa knows I'm acting different but hopefully she thinks it's just cause of what happened with David. We haven't talked about that night. Or the baby since. I don't know why she all of a sudden had a change of heart and wanted to keep this monster. It's not even her kid. Maddys call me I never answered. She would text me urgently asking to come over. I always said I was busy with chapa. Fez and Ash reached out to me this week asking if I was okay and apologizing. Especially fez. I reassured them everything is okay and I just want to forget about it. I want things to go back to how they were before my mom came home that day. Everything was perfect. Everyone. Now me and chapa are getting in arguments all the time and I cheated. I cheated. Remembering makes my eyes water.

Chapa-you okay?
She asks shuffling through clothes in our closet deciding what to wear.

Yn-yeah.
I say forcing a smile. I know it's fake. Chapa knows it's fake but doesn't question further.

Chapa- I'm gonna go to the skate park with Bose. You wanna come?

Yn-no.

Chapa- are you sure?

I nod picking at my thumb nail

Chapa- are you sure you're alright. With everything that's happen this past week.

Yn- yeah..

Chapa-I can help you. I want to. Talking about it will make you feel better.

Yn-no thanks

Chapa-we promised we tell each other everything

Yn- I have told you everything. I'm just having a bad day and need sometime to myself!
I turn to my side pulling the covers up to my chin. Burying my face in my pillow.

Chapa sighs- okay then *she kisses me on the forehead* I love you.

I hear her stand there for a second waiting for me to react. To say it back. But I don't feel it right now. Once she closes the window and a few minutes pass. I pull myself out of bed groaning. I really don't want to go back there. But I need those pills.
I pull on a cute outfit. I stand in the mirror disgusted by what I see. I change into a different shirt. Scared of what others will think. What fs Will think. I can't believe I care that much. He's nothing to me a nobody. I was lonley and out of it that night. That's no excuse.

i walk in silence to motors where the boys and fuckshit will most likely be. i slowly approach looking in from the window. they all crowded around the tv probably watching skate or porn. i take a deep breath and pull the door open. a little bell rings above my head. they all look up. expressions bare. fs smile drops to a frown. he jumps up from the couch and walks over to me urgently. my chest feels faint. my eyes glaze. i let no tears spill. i hear ray turn up the tv to try and make whatever conversation me and fs are abt to have "private".

yn-shit. i'm not here to talk to you. i just left sum here and i came to get it.

fs- no we have to talk

yn- olan please.

i follow fs and he goes behind the counter and begins rummaging through drawers. i glance at the counter. where we fucked. the wall we fucked on. and the couch we fucked on and-

fs-here
he holds out a brown bag. i grab it from him making sure everything's inside. i turn around and head for the door. my shoulders relaxed. and tensed as i felt a pull on my arm.

fs- i can't live like this. i can't let me keep hurting you. i can't let you continue to hurt me...

the truth is hard to hear but it must be said. his words hit me. i stepped back. silent tears dribbled from my face. fuckshit raises his thumb wiping my eyes.

yn whispers-i'm sorry

fs-i'm sorry

fs pulls me into a hug. i take a deep breath breathing in his burgundy cologne mixed with weed alcohol and hint of maple. i watch over fs shoulder as the guys leave out the back to go skateboarding and give us some space.

we lean against opposite sides of the counters.

fs-i need to know what we are. where we stand.

yn-..fuckshit... i have a girlfriend. she doesn't know about us.

fs- you gotta choose. i'm not going to be a second option waiting years for you to come back again.

yn silent tears streak her face-that's the problem. i like you. it's always been you. and i pushed you away when you needed me most and i'm doing it again. you deserve better

fs- you are better. no matter how many girls i've been with to try n get over you ma. my mind. my heart was still with you.

yn falls in to fs arms crying- i love you.

fs-i love you to shrink

fs- but i can't bring myself to still see you if u w another bitch

yn-i know and you shouldn't.

fs- so what's it gonna be. u gonna break up w her

yn-....

admitting it makes me cry harder. i thought chapa was the love of my life. so why am i now realizing i still feel so strongly about fuckshit. it's not fair to chapa. i have to break up w her

fs holds me rubbing my back-it will be alright ma

yn- i know. i don't even like pussy
i laugh making fs smile

fs- maybe your ass ain't gay after all

i take a step back- fuck

fs- wha

yn- breaking up w her would me kicking her out

fs- hol up n*gg*(ONLY SAYING CAUSE FS SAYS IT DONT CANCEL ME ) moved in w u

yn- i was stupid. she was living in a shed at the time. bad household so what else could i have done

fs-...

yn- i'll do it. for you. for me. for us

fs hands move down to my ass. his lips crush against my. his tongue slides into my throat. i suck and taste his maple sugary juices. he pulls away and i groan. no kiss has ever felt so magical. straight out of a movie.

fs- no more until ur mine

a horror movie. when i'm brought back to reality. i leave the store my bag in hand smiling. i'm his. i squeal like a little girl as i walk down the block. only one pot hole stops me. how do i break up w chapa

IM BACK! I only have one other chapter pre written left, i do plan on publishing later. However i can't tell if i'm going to start the next book right away because I want to work on the book i'm writing. i've been writing it for three years and want to get back to working on it. this story and all of you guys have motivated me to write and continue my dream of publishing a real book. one where there's paper copies in stores and letters from readers expressing how they feel about the book. new experiences and friends along the way. it's all i've ever want. young best selling author, traveling the world. and i will do it and you can to.