Solstice

CHANGES

'Bella,' Persephone croaked. I sat by her bed – no, the funeral pyre on which her body was being wracked by that terrible fire as her mortal self fell away and her immortal one emerged – in the dark. I could see her eyes glitter as she gazed at me. Her whole body trembled, her hands were clenched into fists, the knuckles white, but she had so far made no sound. 'No, I don't need... anything.' Her breath came out in a series of gasps. 'Only for... you to... talk to me. Tell me everything... you can think of: I don't care... how... silly or mundane... it sounds. Please.'

I nodded. 'I don't know how I stopped,' I told her, and to my amazement, she gave a rusty chuckle. Persephone seemed invincible to me, with a core of steel. 'I've never tasted human blood in my immortal life. When I was expecting Ness, her tiny body wanted blood – so in an effort to get fluids and calories into me, Carlisle used up his blood-bank stocks. He was originally going to deliver Ness, but she came early.' I remembered that fateful moment: surrounded by the people I loved, everyone – bar Jacob – in harmony, and the cup of blood falling from my hand and staining the pristine white couch. 'What I went through wasn't for the fainthearted,' I said ruefully. 'In hindsight, I'm astonished I could have been so blind, so naïve as to think my human body could survive the birth of a half-immortal child. My uterus was the texture of granite: Carlisle couldn't run any ultrasounds. And every time Ness moved – she tried really hard not to move; even then, she loved me so much she hated giving me a moment's pain – she snapped a rib. My stomach looked like a black-and-blue football. And I was dangerously thin, like I'd been starving myself for months.

'I remember Edward running me upstairs, and Rose came with him – she was the only one who really understood about the baby, how much I needed to keep her. Edward was so afraid Ness would be one of the unteachable nightmares of our vampire histories, slaughtering entire villages, unable to be trained or restrained. He was very unhappy with me throughout my entire pregnancy, but he did everything he could to make me comfortable and safe. Rose lost focus during the birth. I don't blame her; I've never been that close to human blood myself, and I don't know if I'd be able to resist feeding. I don't know how I stopped,' I repeated, looking ruefully at Persephone's pain-contorted face. 'It was the single most delicious thing I've ever tasted in either of my lifetimes. But I knew at the same time that I couldn't risk losing control with you. I have... respect for you. I admire you, and value as a person. But it was more than that: it was about keeping our code. A code of honour, if you like. The code we all live by, the one Carlisle created for us. I couldn't bear to disappoint him. Well, you've met him. You see what I mean.' I looked at Persephone, and she gave me one tiny nod. I touched the little Cullen Crest on my charm bracelet before continuing.

'So, like I was saying, Rose lost focus. Jacob jumped across the table to get her out of there: he kicked her in the gut and slammed her into the doorframe.' Persephone gave a little hiss, and I showed her a smile with no humour in it. 'Yes, he's always been quite aggressive when it comes to women,' I murmured, and she shook her head, her lips trembling. 'I didn't tell you what he'd done before Edward and I got married. He decided that I was as much in love with him as he was with me, and he forced me to kiss him. I know now that it was assault. If you care for someone, you are careful of them. You don't force your body on theirs. But he was very, very good at manipulation. He convinced me that I was in love with him, and made me feel as though my own heart was breaking. I cried all night over that boy. In hindsight...' I stared darkly at the shade drawn over the window. 'In hindsight, I can't believe I made such an ass of myself,' I told her, and she gave another faint chuckle.

'But during Ness's birth, he did everything he could to save me. He gave me mouth-to-mouth and did CPR whilst Edward got Nessie out, and got his venom into me – he'd filled a big syringe with it, and shot it straight into my heart. I'm sorry,' I apologised. 'I should have done that for you – to make the transformation quicker; I'm sorry –'