Solstice

AFTERWORD

I slept for what felt like months, but what Edward told me later was three days. I didn't get to see any of Bosnia after that moonlit run, and woke up in my own bed in Seattle. Edward was very careful with me for that first week. I'd lost my mother. The Symposion had hacked into the government systems and entered a note on Renée's death, a supposed road traffic accident. Only we knew that Renée was out there in the world, locked into a room in one of the Symposion's shining cities, forever. I would never see her again. As Gregorius said, she'd turned into a person I didn't know when Laura, a dark witch, Changed her. She was beyond my and everyone else's reach, for the rest of time. And I didn't know how to feel about that.

Gloria had spent her time while Calvin was at the convocation wisely; she'd gone to his luxurious penthouse and persuaded Rochelle to get out of there. After several days with us, when we all told the young hybrid about what Calvin was capable of, his spell was broken. Rochelle was free. Gloria was transformed, singing as often as she talked, incandescent with happiness. The Symposion were investigating Calvin, holding him captive while they investigated every iota of his business and relationships. I tried not to gloat too much, or too often.

Alice wasn't so happy, though: Jasper had told her about what Calvin had tried to do to her that night so many years ago. She was most upset by the fact that Jasper had concealed it from her, as if she was a child who couldn't cope with painful revelations. She and Jasper were as much in love as ever, but she had put a bit of distance between them while she recovered from what she saw as her life-partner's betrayal. I knew that they were both upset, and tried to be as supportive as I could to both of them, but in the end, it was their relationship; they had to figure out how to be with one another.

Carlisle managed to bring Ben Cheney's mom through the operation successfully, but she died a few days later. Ben spent a lot of time with Edward and me, trying to deal with his grief, while Angela supported him. Angela wasn't at all happy, though she never said a word – it turned out that witches who were transformed into vampires could get pregnant. Her child was due in several months and growing fast – though not as fast as Ness had grown – and she didn't know what to do with herself. Edward and I had agreed to supply her with a nanny, to take the worst of the physical burden of feeding, night waking and the general exhaustion of motherhood from her, but I knew it really wasn't enough. If it had been anyone's child but Ben's, she would've put it up for adoption. Ben wasn't too happy about the prospect of becoming a father, either, but was resigned. He'd asked me to Change him once the child hit eighteen, and I'd agreed. The two of them had become firm friends of ours and were very much a part of life.

As for Ness, she and Nahuel had decided to postpone the wedding for several years. Ness knew she needed time to grow up, and Nahuel was in no hurry – what was a couple of years when you had eternity, and neither of you would ever get any older? Alice was disappointed that her wedding plans had been put on hold, but she didn't belabour her frustration. Ness's wedding dress was hanging in Alice's closet, and she had books and mood boards ready to go the minute the couple chose a date. Nahuel and I were a lot closer; he called me 'mother', now, and it made me oddly content. He'd had a sad life, blaming himself for his own mother's death, seeing himself as a monster. Now, he had two families to love him, and was excited about starting his degree in several months. He spent a lot of time with Grayson, helping Rose and Emmett adjust to the demands of a fast-growing immortal child, telling them what to expect from every stage of his development.

And I – I was in a strange place. I was at the heart of my family, but I felt strangely alone. Losing Renée in such a shocking, final way had carved away a large part of my identity, which was already unstable, to say the least. Edward and I were rebalancing our relationship, learning each other's true natures and working on our flaws; once we had put away our mutual hero-worship, we'd felt a lot healthier. But it was also disorientating to see each other as whole people, separate from one another, prone to weaknesses and faults just like every person on the planet. We'd taken our second honeymoon, and it had been – great. Absolutely the best time in my life, and this time, there was no pregnancy to yank the rug from under my world. I was heartened by the fact that each day we were growing stronger together.

My greatest worry was one I never articulated to myself, let alone Edward.

Jake and Leah had come to Seattle to see us when they got engaged. Leah hadn't been able to hold out against his devotion a minute longer, and he proposed to her with the ring his mom had worn. They were shiny with love, so filled with adoration for each other that their affection was tangible. Leah had come to apologise to me in person in the midst of the festivities, and I'd been able to forgive her. After all, she had suffered so much more than I, in the grand scheme of things. We were in the kitchen of Nahuel's apartment, which led out on a small, cobbled garden of Esme's design, and I'd happened to look out at Ness. And saw the way she looked at Jacob, who was laughing and joking with Emmett and Jasper. My heart stopped. It was only a second, but there was such intense longing on her vulnerable face that it pierced me all the way through.

All that – all our troubles, all our fights, our conflicts, our relocations, our near-death experiences, the sequence of events that had led to me kneeling in front of Gregorius with a blade at my neck – could have been avoided, if Ness had just... waited.

But perhaps it was better that way. Perhaps it was safer, saner, for Ness to learn that she couldn't get everything she wanted, every time. That she couldn't pick someone up and drop them when she chose, and expect them to come running back when she called. And there were so many issues about Jake's imprint, his effect on our marriages and lives, the potential devastation if they'd had kids, that it was better this way. Wasn't it?

'Bella.' I didn't look round; I only smiled, and leant back at the exact moment Edward wrapped his arms around my waist. I could intuit what he was thinking a lot easier these days, now that I no longer treated him as a living god but instead saw him as his own person. 'What are you contemplating so raptly?' he murmured, pressing his lips to my hair.

'Ness. Jake. All of it.'

'Ah, yes. I saw what you saw,' he told me, and I froze. 'Bella, it is better this way. Safer. Saner. Sometimes what wins out is not blind adoration, but a relationship founded on mutual respect and compromise.' He sighed. 'She has learnt a very hard lesson. It is one she has to live with.' He held me closer. 'And now we must think about our own lives. Our daughter and future son-in-law are off to Europe for several months. We must plan for our own future. What was in the letter from Gregorius you received this morning?'

'He wants to establish a centre for human studies. Now that the Symposion have come back into the world, he is thinking about how to make it a better, more liveable place for all of us. He wants me to contribute a study – a number of studies – on the behaviours of North American youth between the ages of eleven and eighteen, particularly young people who are new to the world of witchcraft. It's a new world, Edward, and it's changing so fast. I never thought I'd see the day the Volturi were imprisoned in their own city, prevented from harming a single living being.'

'That sounds like an interesting proposition.' Edward ignored my mention of the Volturi: as far as he was concerned, they were beneath contempt. 'He has asked me to contribute, too. My impressions of the American educational system from a vampiric perspective.' Edward gave a small laugh. 'I dare not tell him that I spent all those years in high school actively trying to avoid listening to the teachers. But I will make my best efforts.' He loosened his hold and turned me to face him. 'And us? What do you see for us?' There was a slight anxiety to his tone, and I stroked his cheek.

'I see us... grow. I see us continue to learn each other, unafraid to challenge each other, working through our insecurities and needs and hopes. I see happiness, Edward. I feel the long nightmare of the past – always waiting, subconsciously, for the Volturi to come down on us, pick us off one by one – is over. I see a future.' I smiled. 'And I see myself loving you for the rest of eternity. That was never in doubt.' I touched his cheek again. 'I hope that, no matter what happens, no matter what will happen, you know that I love you. More than the stars and moon combined.'

'I have never stopped believing it for a second,' he told me. 'I have always had absolute faith that you love me. And nothing matters more to me than that.' He rested his head against my forehead. 'We have lived through enough to last others many lifetimes,' he told me. 'Loss, bereavement, a child, the threat of death, a world that has rapidly changed... and yet I have never lost faith in you. In us. My faith in you is endless and eternal. Nothing matters more to me than that. You are my life, Bella Marie Cullen. Never forget it.' And he touched his lips to mine.