Larry's Journal

Convenience Store

There's a convenience store on my way to work every day. It's the only damn one so it pretty much has a monopoly over my money seeing how I'm far too lazy to drive out of the way to avoid it. The owner is a real dick dart. He knows people won't go out of their way to avoid him so he treats everyone like shit and constantly complains. If I wanted to hear that shit I'd ask Susan about her day.

He always bitches about people using a credit card to buy cheaper items because he has to pay a fee or some shit. It's not my fucking problem. He's the one who wanted to own a convenience store. So here's how shit went down on this day:

8:00 a.m.

I'm on my way to work and I stop off at the dick shop, that's what I call it. Sometimes I even call it that where he can hear me. He pissed me off long ago with his bullshit antics so now every day I go in and purchase a 50 cent pack of gum and pay with my Visa. Why? Because he's a piece of monkey squat.

Then every day I walk out and toss it in the trash where he can see me. It's one of the highlights of my day. Seriously, I giggle my dick off the rest of the way to work every damn time.

Well I guess old fizzle fuck was in a pissy mood at the dick shop today. Something really got in his panties and itched his ass. He's had it when I walk up with my Juicy Fruit or whatever the fuck it's called. I never even look at the brand, just the price. This little fireball proceeds to curse me up and down and refuse service to me. I mean it was hurtful and rude. Not to mention it was completely unoriginal. If you're going to cuss out Larry boy you better have some good material. I believe "asshole motherfucker" was used multiple times. Lame.

As you can imagine this doesn't sit well with me. He's just become public enemy number two right behind old piss droplets.

I stare him back in the face, shake my head, and say, "Wrong move little man, wrong move."

Then I walk out of the store and toss the unpaid pack of gum in the garbage right in front of his face. It's probably cheaper for him than paying the fee on it. I'm serious. This guy is one cheap prick. He has fake video cameras up with exposed wires showing just because he doesn't want to pay for them to record.

9:30 a.m.

I've got pranker's block and I'm trying hard to find a way to get even with this prick dick. It needs to be something that will hurt him more than anything. I'm racking my brain. I'll come up with something. In the meantime tinkle britches is spamming my email with meeting requests. God damn it, some new bullshit office technique he wants to try out. I'm convinced that Walter does this shit just to piss us all off and laugh about it.

10:30 a.m.

I've come up with a way to get even with this dick sucking prairie rat. I'm not going to tell you just keep reading.

11:15 a.m.

It's about time to head to Jim's meeting. I need to send an email first. Wyatt Johnston is logged in. The email goes out with the subject line, "Cherry Coke In The Soda Fountain."

The email reads, "Jim said not to tell anyone but I just can't hold it in any longer. He is having Cherry Coke added due to the high demand in the office. He even offered to pay for it himself."

It should be interesting to see how he plays this.

11:30 a.m.

Jim's been going on his usual Wyatt hunting expedition and has hit dead ends. He's such an idiot. People are heading into the meeting room so he pauses his investigation.

He's immediately backtracking on the Cherry Coke idea.

"It was a joke people, seriously."

Everyone is turning on him and bitching about the Cherry Coke. Thirty minutes is up and Jim is about to cry for his mommy's titties because he didn't get to show us his Power Point. This pleases me.