literally my venting book

#97

Sometimes I get so stressed out
My words get lodged in the back of my mouth
Stuck in my throat, they won't force themselves out
Like the words are sucked out by a vacuum or straw
That no matter what I do
The words won't come out

It feels like a hand grasped around my throat
Holding me tightly, and not comfortingly
It's like I'm being choked, like I forgot how to speak
If anything comes out
It's a jumble of incomprehensible sounds

When a stranger talks to me
My hands get all shaky
"What's your name" they ask me, smiling
All choked up
I back away
I open my mouth yet no sound comes out
Awkward glances from across the room
I try to save it, to no avail

I wish I wasn't so anxious
That my fingers wouldn't be chewed up and bleeding
That my nails could be long and pretty and not raggedy and bitten past the cuticle
That I wouldn't make an escape plan in every new place I go to
Oh how I long to be normal and anxiety-free
But alas I am not
So I'll stay not talking for however long a situation calls it to be