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CHAPTER NINE " hunger, hungry girls "
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Every bit of normality she had had with Paul had died. Every last bit of it. Now, she was back to feeling numb. Everything Paul had brought to her, every moment of feeling like a human had vanished.
Now, her life was just like she had thought it would be after summer. Numbness, loneliness, sadness, anger, anxiety, pain. She felt like there was nothing she was waiting for anymore. Before, she always told herself she just had to make it until she saw Paul again. Now, there was nothing to wait for.
She got a new dealer of course, he was from Port Angles, so she took the bus, bought for a week and got back home. He didn't care do her, nobody would anymore.
Beatriz couldn't really remember everything, now every day just shoved in a blur mixed with pills and alcohol. She couldn't remember the last time she ate or laughed. It was strange, how her life had to keep going like everything was fine. She felt like in some moments she would wake up from a dream and not being able to fight it she would fall asleep again. She worked in autopilot, her body doing everything her mind was incapable.
Sitting in her window seat looking outside relaxed her, the rain and thunder being a familiar sound. The window was open, one of her legs hanging out. Her back leaning on the wall, one cigarette in had.
In and out. She would inhale it and then exhale.
"When did you start smoking?" Her voice woke Beatriz up, her voice made her remember she was not alone. It was her first time in the Barnes house.
Beatriz looked away from outside and to the girl in front of her. Long, a bit curly, brown hair and big green eyes stared at her. "Maybe a year ago, a bit more." The blonde took the last puff of the cigarette and then threw it to the cold rain.
Bella looked at Bea and then back outside, she didn't know what to say. It had been so surreal when the girl had asked her to come to the Barnes house.
Since the start of the year Bella hadn't had a break with Jessica talking about how weird the house was now after summer and how it seemed like no one lived there anymore. But for Bella, it looked like a normal house, normal walls, normal floor, normal people living in it. When she stared long enough, she could understand the whispers about the house. She could see all the clothes, all the trash, all the unwashed dishes. Bella could understand, from the inside, the house was falling apart.
