lost heart

Chapter 6

Tossing and turning, I could not understand why I couldn't sleep yet again. The day did end on a good note, so why was my mind so unsettled?

1. Jungkook
2. Seonghwa
3. Jaehyun

no, that needs reorganising.

1. Jaehyun
2. Seonghwa
3. Jungkook

Just the past couple of days was enough to keep me up at night. Three guys meddling with my heart and mind.

Okay I get Jaehyun and Seonghwa, but why is JUNGKOOK making me feel things?

Three... two... and one.

The unexpected swarm of butterflies did their swirls in my stomach as the words replayed in my mind yet again. I only knew Jungkook only by name, one of the most popular guys in school and the most crushed on.

I can't blame anyone that man is irresistible now that i actually saw him close up.

I mean.. he was charming anyways but I always knew he was trouble.

But his soft gaze, his soft li-

I slapped myself and shook off my trailing thoughts. I knew the reason I couldn't sleep was mainly seeing... him... after so long.

The way the pain rushed back was not expected, maybe a little, but not as if I'd get run over by a truck called my emotions. I thought I'd be able to play it cool, see him, be nonchalant, continue on my path, and if he spoke to me just coolly say hi how have you been, or scoff and blank him to show I'm definitely over him. what on EARTH was that? I literally went into panic mode at the mere sight of him and my mind shut down. What was the point of spending so much time in post-heartbreak era imagining how I'd calmly respond to seeing him again?

Oh you're an absolute fool, Yoon Miso. Shame on you.

And what was Seonghwa all about these past few days? Going from never talking to me and barely looking at me over the last 3 years to suddenly showing such intense, spine-tingling concern for me that it has my mind in a complete MESS.

what if.. it's more because of what he saw...

He and Jungkook are somewhat enemies after all..

I really never understood these "gangs", theyre not like.. outright criminals... or like proper outlaws... theyre just a mix of guys, two friend groups, one called Busan bc 2/7 are from Busan and are the groups most troublesome aces, and one Seoul because all are actually Seoulites... as far as I'm aware. I've never really heard them call themselves or eachother that, just everyone else. Eh, it's probably just like made up by everyone in school because they're the two popular groups.

I went off on a tangent, again! This thought string has no end does it? Can I make a woolly scarf with it? or a yarn ball for a cat--

I soon came to a realisation that it was Seonghwa bothering me most. I didn't know what to think or feel... He's the one I've known the longest, but why do I suddenly feel maybe the concern is insincere?

The thoughts were starting to give me a headache, signalling that I've thought for way too long, and the clock confirmed that.

4AM. four. a. m. again.

This is why I can never wake up, I can't even SLEEP.

But the headache meant sleep is near so I hugged my pillow and slowly drifted...

~~~