an apocalypse meant no one would bother you if you died, right? with how hectic things were, you wondered if anyone would even notice your disappearance.
The evening.
Your apartment was untouched. No blood from your injuries, the monsters had somehow not even tried to get in— And it was just the way it used to be. That was a comfort of some sorts, when you snuck into the stairway to get back there, risking to get killed on your way, to see that your apartment was still fine. Maybe you'd stay there. There wasn't much point in going back, anyways. No one would really question it, either.
You held a cigarette between your lips, unlit. It just sat there. You pondered over the idea of smoking, but thought there wasn't any point in it. You bit the end of the cigarette and kept it there. The water in the bathtub you were currently laying in was at to a high enough level for the clothes on your skin to feel uncomfortable. You remembered turning the sink on to take a bath before everything started and turning it off once you'd heard everyone screaming in your floor. Then you sighed deeply.
On the mirror in the corner of your bathroom, you saw your reflection— There was dried blood on your face, dark red and noticeable. You wondered why Eunhyuk hadn't bothered to tell you. This guy.
You did not move to try and get the blood off, only tilting your head back onto the edge of the bathtub instead. Calm. Calm in the midst of a storm. And yet, your mind wouldn't let you be at peace. Your thoughts raced so fast you weren't even sure why you weren't feeling good anymore. It just didn't feel good. That was all you could tell, because that was all you could feel. Some sort of numb. With discomfort.
You chewed on the cigarette and stared at the ceiling. White and normal looking. You'd sort of missed the normal side of things, after spending several days in the lobby of your building trying not to get killed by monsters. Well, now you kind of missed the people over there. Like Hyunsu, who you'd met on your way to the rooftop. It seemed you'd both gotten the same idea, that day. You wondered if he still wanted to die, after all that especially.
You did.
The rope tied into a knot still remained in your living room, hanging from the ceiling. You could see it a bit from where you laid. It made you sigh.
The door of your apartment clicked opened, and despite your confusion, you made no move to check who it was. Or what it was. "[name]." Who, it was then. But well, now you knew. It wasn't like you weren't used to hearing his voice.
Footsteps rushed to your bathroom and stopped at the entrance. You heard a sigh and opened your eyes, turning your head towards the doorway. "Does it look like the time to take a bath?"
"It does." you sighed, "Let me be, Eunhyuk."
"You're planning to die, again." he said calmly, "No, I won't."
He walked over to the bathtub and sat on its edge. He had his backpack with him and he took it off to let it sit at his feet. He seemingly took a moment to wonder at the untouched stated of your apartment before looking down with an exhale. You wondered if he'd seen you leave, or if he simply knew you'd come back there.
You took the cigarette in your mouth and vaguely waved it in front of him. "Smoke?" He turned to look at you.
"You know I don't smoke."
You sighed. "Not anymore."
"Why are you giving up so easily?" he asked, calm. You averted your gaze. "Or rather, are you seeing this whole mess as an opportunity to end it all?"
Eunhyuk knew you well, for you had known eachother since elementary school. It was nothing new that you were a suicidal person. And each time you'd tried to do something that could possibly endanger yourself, the boy had been there to stop you. You weren't sure why, or how he did it, but he was always there. You grew kind of annoyed as time passed.
"Why don't we let people who are suffering too much to live kill themselves?" you muttered. Eunhyuk was silent, because he knew you. He knew you had more to say on the matter. "I mean, when someone is trying to end their life because they're so tired of it, why is it that it's considered an act of saving to keep them from killing themselves?"
You sighed and laughed. "Sorry."
"No." he exhaled, nodding. "I get what you mean, to an extent. But it's because life is a precious thing, in itself."
"Philosophical much?"
"And I'm right." he added, glancing your way. You tilted your way in a manner that said can't argue with that. He looked away. "You want pain to end. You want a better life. You don't want to die, because after that, everything is over."
"Aren't you saying that because people feel guilty once they realize they couldn't help someone who ended it all?"
"No. Rather, everything is over for you. Once you pull the trigger, it'll be over. Nothing. No more skies to watch, no more music to listen to, no one to yell at anymore, nothing to punch anymore, nothing. You don't want to die, you want your problems to." he said. And then he looked your way and you were sinking your head lower in the bathtub, looking away. Of course he was right. But that didn't lessen the pain. "[name]. Let's go back down once you're feeling better, okay?"
"I guess so." you sighed. Then you decided you could ignore your pain for a while longer. Eunhyuk was right. There were things you would miss, either way. Him being one of them.
"Do you want ramen? I have some left in my kitchen, if no one raided it while I was gone." you said while sitting up. Eunhyuk watched as you got up and stepped out of the bathtub, walking to your kitchen like you hadn't just discussed all of this just before. He smiled because for now, you were alright. He'd done his job at keeping you alive, and he planned to do it as many times as it took.
"I'll have some. Thanks."
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