Cupid & Psyche

Cupid & Psyche: Chapter Thirty-Three

Chapter Thirty-Three

You don’t DIE from a broken heart. You only WISH you did.

The meaning of expecting: Everyday you keep on waiting. Every day, every moment, every second, he or she is on your mind even if there’s someone else’s on his or her mind, it’s that you continue your feelings for him or her even if you know there’s someone else who is occupying his or her time. Thinking about why is there such a thing as expecting that will just lead to nothing.

There, I guess it was obvious that I didn’t take it very well. I didn’t eat dinner that night because I feel so like going to bed earlier. I thought it would somehow ease the pain inside of me but even that pain didn’t get me to sleep. The next day, I decided to stay at home since it would still be Friday. I told my mom that I’m sick and she believed me though.

All day long I felt the pain inside me. But I felt weird because this time, no tears came out from my eyes. Was it because of too much hurt that I can no longer let it out of my body? Then good because it would end my life. Or was it because I cried too much over him already that my body can no longer produce tears for him?

I lie on my bed all day long. When afternoon came our helper placed my lunch on my table but I still didn’t bother to eat it. I feel so weak to move but then I looked at myself at the mirror and I saw the person I have become. That’s when I realized that Janica was right about me all along. I have changed. This is not me. I opened my jewelry box and I took out Cupid’s bracelet. I took a bag and I placed all the things that would remind me of Cupid then I went at the backyard and I placed my things inside the garage. I don’t want to see those things from now on.

When I went back inside, Kelpie and Janica were at the living room. I know that they figured what happened to me already.

I brought them to my room for more privacy. I know that it would be only them that I can depend on right now. So I told them what happened. I tried to cry but none came out again. I felt so abnormal that I can’t even scream everything out of me.

‘Don’t think of committing suicide!’ Janica warned me.

I placed my hand to my face as I wiped my face of exhaustion. ‘I thought of that. Thanks for reminding me.’

‘Psyche.’ Kelpie held my arm.

‘I’m so stupid.’ I laughed at myself. But after that I felt the pain back and that’s when a tear finally went out of my eye. ‘I thought he would actually like me. Am I that hard to love?’

Kelpie hugged me and she didn’t say anything to me. Janica tapped my back and I saw her eye became teary.

‘Is there no one to love me?’ I cried harder. ‘Why can’t he love me?’

‘Psyche, it’s not that no one does.’ Janica said then she cried. ‘It’s that people sometimes just get intimidated and…’ she sobbed and she hadn’t had the strength to continue.

‘Love is like your snacks for recess.’ Kelpie spoke and she faint a smile at me through her tears. ‘Sometimes people will take it from you. Sometimes you’d like to give it to someone but they  wouldn’t accept it. And sometimes there would be a person who needs it but he or she doesn’t want to let you know.

‘We are all licensed to be hurt when it comes to love.’ she continued.

‘But why does it hurt like hell.’ I sobbed that I can no longer find the strength to breathe. ‘If I only knew I wouldn’t have loved like this. It sucks!’ I threw the pillow to the floor.