𝑻𝒓𝒐𝒖𝒃𝒍𝒆𝒅 𝑩𝒐𝒚

8. Wanted

October, 1996
Amara Starre's POV:

It's become routine. Every time they argue Marshall comes over to mine to fuck me. I don't know why I keep letting him in to use me. He's made it clear we'll never be anything without saying the words.

He never stays after. He might fall asleep in my bed or wherever we collapse in my apartment. As soon as he wakes up? He leaves.

That night I came home after hanging out with Papa, he actually had the nerve to yell at me for not being home!!

He was all mad about having to wait outside my door. Cause apparently while he was standing outside of my door Kim came out and found out where he's been going when she kicks him out.

She hasn't said anything to me, but Marshall says she's real mad. Said I shouldn't be around her and watch out cause he ain't defending me.

He's kinda hurt my feelings by saying all that shit about how I'm so fucking stupid.

I shouldn't be bothered much by it. I don't have the time to entertain anything more than that, especially with what I've got going on with Nova! She needs me right now.

Her mom died three days ago, and she's been a mess. She had planned on staying with that Deshaun dude but when she found out her momma died, she instantly came to me. For me to support her, help her grieve and wipe her tears and all that.

I really have more to focus on than the fact some crazy white boy won't give me a hug and kiss goodbye. Seriously though I expect some kind of goodbye or even an acknowledgement of my presence after he fucks me.

The sounds of sobs snap me out of the cleaning daze I was in. I put down the freshly washed sheets I was putting on Nova's bed.

I was cleaning as usual. Whenever Nova needs me for something I do it.

I step into the kitchen which is right outside of her bedroom to find Nova with her knees up to her chest as she sobs. She looks like a mess; her makeup has faded into her skin and her mascara has stained her cheeks.

My heart breaks and I sink down to the floor with her, holding her in a silent hug as she sobs.

Out of nowhere her cracking voice softly speaks. "I'm trying... MarMar I really am." She mutters breaking my heart into a million tiny pieces.

"I know... I know Novie." I assure her trying to be comforting.

She swallows nervously making my brows arch in confusion. "I- I called Deshaun... I'm gonna stay with him a little longer." She says in a meek tone, catching me off guard.

Why doesn't she want me with her...? I thought she needed me. Does she not want me around?

"What? Why?" I ask her, my grip around her loosening instantly. I fear I might've been suffocating her.

"I'll explain everything when I come back, I need time to think." She says to me. I can't help but feel a little betrayed. What can she tell this man she's just met a few weeks ago that she can't tell me?

I don't say a word. I just stare at her wide eyed. I feel like a new knife plunged into my heart, granted I'm probably overreacting but I wanted so bad for someone to want me, to need me.

It may sound crazy but feeling needed by her made me feel...valued I guess.

Why does nobody need me? Everybody has somebody who needs them for something. I don't. I have people who I need but they don't need me.