empty ~ kurotsuki

𖡎 it doesn't make you weak 𖡎

it had been 4 hours since word has been given about kei. kuroo was about ready to start flipping over waiting room chairs; he was getting impatient. 

"you know staring down the hallway isn't going to give you an update faster, right?" akaashi asked, handing kuroo a paper cup of coffee. he gave kuroo a soft smile and sat down next to him.

"i'm taking my chances," kuroo sighed. 

the lobby was full of teenage boys in different colored jerseys, and it was quiet. solemn. the only sounds to be heard were light sniffles, feet tapping, and whispers. most of the players from the training camp who were acquainted with the blond middle blocker came an hour earlier, all expecting an update that hadn't been given. 

across from kuroo sat tadashi, who had his hand cover his eyes. he was crying softly. suga had his arm around him and was holding him to his chest. "how could i have not seen it?" tadashi croaked. "i was around him the most. the signs were there, but i didn't...i didn't help him. i didn't push hard enough."

kuroo's chest felt tight. he sympathized heavily with tadashi. he had failed kei. kei entrusted him with his heart, and he vowed to love and care for him. and he let him down. 

kuroo walked over to tadashi and crouched in front of him. "you were there for him," he whispered with tears in his eyes. "you were there when i couldn't be, and that's probably the best you could've done for him. you didn't abandon him." you didn't leave like i did.

tadashi let out a sad laugh. "then why do i feel so guilty?"

kuroo didn't know what to say. nobody knew what to say. it seemed as if everyone carried at least a twinge of guilt for what happened for their own reasons. it was a harsh burden to bear. 

light footsteps were heard, and all the volleyball players turned their heads. "kuroo?" a defeated voice spoke from the hallway. akiteru.

kuroo sprung up and rushed over to him in the blink of an eye. "how is he?"

everyone in the lobby stood up and inched toward the two, eager to hear what the verdict was. akiteru had a few tears dripping down his face, but he held a light smile. he let out a shaky exhale. "he's going to be okay."

the lobby filled with sighs of relief which then turned into bombarding questions from a few of them. daichi, ennoshita, and asahi made a wall and held them back, telling them in the politest way possible for the current setting to shut the hell up. 

kuroo ran a hand through his hair. "oh, thank god. can i...?"

akiteru sighed. "i think you and i need to talk first before you see him." he glanced over to tadashi. "tadashi, we should talk, too. come with us."

they followed akiteru to a private hallway close to kei's room. they passed by takeda, who was talking with kei's mom. kei's mom looked like she had been sobbing; she was so disheveled. 

akiteru leaned back against the wall as tadashi and kuroo sat on foam bench. "before i begin, i need to ask that the both of you remain as calm as possible. can you do that for me?" 

both boys nodded, bracing for the impact. akiteru began.

"it was lucky the paramedics got there when they did. after kei's seizure subsided, his post-ictal state paved a pathway for a heart attack. thankfully, kei didn't sustain any serious damage to his brain from the lack of oxygen. doctors concluded that both were brought on by prolonged starvation, drug toxicity from over-the-counter medications, and over-exertion from volleyball."

kuroo froze. the ipecac... "god damn it," he mumbled quietly, maintaining a still demeanor. 

"they found that he has severe fluid and electrolyte imbalance, which triggered the seizure. he is severely malnourished, about 40 kilograms underweight from where he should be." holy shit. "based on what he told the doctors, he has been diagnosed with anorexia nervosa and body dysmorphic disorder, in accumulation with major depressive disorder and generalized anxiety disorder. they are keeping him under observation for three more days."