BROKEN HOPE (Broken Redemption Book 2)

Chapter 10

Emilia

The first thing I notice is the pounding in my head. My eyes burn, even as they remain hidden behind swollen lids. With a forearm, I shield myself from the sunlight permeating through the bedroom window. I can remember a time when I welcomed the brightness of a new morning, but not today. Today I'd give anything to find myself surrounded by the darkness of night once again.

Sleep has become my greatest ally. A welcome reprieve from reminders of Creed and the mess he left behind. Every minute in this house is an exercise in perseverance, and I'm too tired to even pretend to try. It's the reason I choose to ignore the dawn of a new day, instead I roll over onto my side with a pillow over my head.

Still, the pounding in my head continues. My body aches, likely from the weight of the depressive cloud that's descended upon me. I'm sure the lack of food in my belly isn't helping matters, but in my current state, I can't stomach the thought of eating anything.

After four days of worrying, Lucas finally called in Hannah, who promptly made a house call. That was yesterday, and seeing her did little to improve my mood, let alone my lack of motivation. At least she gave Lucas the reassurance I was okay. That all I needed was a little time. It was enough to ease some of his concern, though it still lingers in his expression even as he tries to hide it from me. Whenever I see it, it just brings it all back. Everything I'm trying to forget. All the lies I didn't see, and the foolish way I believed the promises that were made.

As I lay here feeling like my life has ended, I realize that none of this is about Creed. It's a sad truth that I didn't marry him for love. I married him for the stability he promised to provide and if I'm honest with myself, I married him with the hope that over time he'd fill the void Lucas left behind. I was so damn naïve it's no wonder I've ended up here. Abandoned yet again after marrying the man who promised to piece me back together, after the man now offering me his protection wrecked me in the first place.

I just can't help but wonder what was the point. All the years Creed and I were together, all the sacrifice and sleepless nights as I worried about him—his job, his safety—all while caring for our young children alone. What was it all for?

A vow?

An idea?

The cultural belief that marriage is forever and that the only way to a happy family is with a mom, a dad, kids, and a home full of pictures that show all the love but none of the heartache?

For 7 years I had exactly that and you know what? The happiness I found... it wasn't truly real! Not entirely anyway. It was an illusion I created with staged family photos, a beautiful home with colorful walls, and a fake smile that served the dual purpose of convincing me, just as much as the rest of the world, that I was happy. That I had succeeded in my quest to provide the happy, healthy home my children deserved. The type of home my parents failed to provide for me.

"Emb, it's seven. Are you waking the girls, or would you like me to?" Even in my depressive state, his voice—rough from sleep—awakens something deep inside of me. It's a mere sliver of a feeling, not enough to break through the mental fog that's consuming me.

"I'll get them. I just need a minute." It's what I answer, on this day five of my new life. It's the same answer I've given every time he's come to wake me. I hate to admit it, but deep down I'm grateful when he ignores it and proceeds without me.

No sooner does he close my bedroom door than I hear him in the girls' room. Their cheerful voices filter into the space and choke me up with emotion. Just days ago, those sounds would have filled my heart with joy, but now all I feel is numb. As though I'm living in suspension, not quite in my life, but not quite out. It's an odd sensation. Like I'm this empty human vessel devoid of any feelings other than brokenness.